A Broken Spirit
by TsunaidaMay
Summary: When Midoriya commits suicide after hearing he can't be a hero for just too many times, Bakugou's world falls apart. He's struggling a lot as he's trying to accept the fact that it was his doing that caused Midoriya to pass the limit, as well as balance his normal life and his life at his new school.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm just going to post this right here: this is a suicide story. It does not have a happy end. This story will go about the stages of grief and a lot of internal struggles as the loss is trying to be accepted. Don't expect him to come back alive. He won't. If you can't handle these topics, please don't read this. That's all.**

* * *

Bakugou is sitting in his chair, his feet up on the desk, as the teacher is talking about the upcoming entrance exams for high schools.

He isn't listening. He already knows to which high school he's going and is confident he'll get in. If he doesn't get into UA High School, he refuses to go to any school less worthy of his presence.

'The applicants for UA High School are Bakugou Katsuki,' the teacher speaks up.

The entire class cheers as they tell him how he's sure to get in. He clicks his tongue. He already knows.

'And Midoriya Izuku.'

The chair crashes down as Bakugou stands up and stares at the nerd in disdain.

'Bakugou, calm down,' the teacher says.

He slowly sinks back in his seat and crosses his arms, not removing his gaze from the Deku that has lowered his head in shame.

The end of term bell rings and everyone gathers their things as they make their way home. When the classroom is nearly empty, only Deku and two of his idiot friends are left behind.

'Oi, Deku!' Bakugou steps up.

'K-Kacchan!' Midoriya stammers as he backs away.

'What the fuck do you think you're doing, you useless nerd!?' Bakugou screams at him as Midoriya tumbles to the ground and backs himself against the back of the classroom, giving him no way to escape.

Midoriya flails his arms around as his face becomes red. 'I just w-wanted to try to b-become a h-hero,' the green haired boy stutters as Bakugou looms over him, his friends eerily staring from behind him.

'Don't you know that a Quirkless Deku like you can't ever become a hero?' Bakugou sneers.

Midoriya looks away, looking defeated.

'What's this?' Bakugou says as he reaches for the notebook lying on the floor. The title reads "For future hero analysis no. 13". Bakugou clicks his tongue again.

'You won't be needing this,' he says, holding the book in one hand as he sets of his Quirk, making it burst into flames as he tosses it over his shoulder out the window as Midoriya shrieks and looks at it as it plummets into the school pond.

'Just give up,' Bakugou growls. 'A Quirkless Deku can't become a hero.'

Bakugou turns around and leaves.

'Hey, Bakugou, want to go to the arcade or something?' Chisaki, one of his friends, asks him.

Bakugou puts his hands in his pockets.

'I don't care,' he replies.

'Alright, let's go then!' his friend replies and leads them towards the city.

* * *

'I'm going home,' Bakugou says.

'Aww, man, it's way too early,' Kuri replies.

'I'm out of money,' Bakugou responds as he slings his bag over his shoulder and makes his way outside, not caring to wait for his friends to get themselves ready. He winds through the streets, making his way home as he hears his friends catching up to him.

'You could've at least waited for us,' Chisaki whines.

'Do I look like I care about either of you stupid idiots?' Bakugou growls in response.

Kuri chuckles. 'We know you do.'

Bakugou rolls his eyes. He couldn't care less about either of them. All of his friends were just extra's, waiting to be replaced by people that would really matter. Bakugou doubted any people would ever come his way that were actually worth his time.

There's only one person he wasted his time on and would continue to waste. Even though he annoyed the crap out of him at times, constantly talking about heroes and whatnot, Bakugou held the nerd dear.

'Bakugou, watch out!' Chisaki shouts as he turns around, a shadow looming over him.

A green sludge, grinning as wide as he could. 'This one will do,' the voice from the distorted mouth emanates, as he crashes down on him.

Bakugou feels suffocated and constricted. The weight of the villain's body is too much for him.

He reaches out his hands as he sets off explosions left and right, but the villain only seems to budge temporarily as its gooey form tries to make its way into Bakugou's mouth and the rest of his body.

He hears his friends yelling as he can see Pro Heroes making their way towards him, but none seem to act at all.

Bakugou claws at his face as he tries to breathe. He feels like he's drowning and suffocating at the same time.

He sets off another explosion near his mouth that makes the sludge pull back a little, giving him the chance to suck in a breath.

Several Pro Heroes are standing around, staring at him. Half the alley is on fire, caused by Bakugou's desperate attempts to get free, and several groups of civilians are staring at him as he's struggling to breathe.

He gets his airways free once more and coughs as he takes in another breath, only to be engulfed by the slick body of the villain once again.

Bakugou feels disgusting, and disgusted, as he looks at the heroes who try to keep the people at bay, but aren't moving towards him. He's fighting with all his power to get free, but the villains weird body structure is making it impossible for him to do anything that actually causes damage.

Tears are starting to form in his eyes as he's starting to get oxygen deprived, unable to ward off the villain's slimy body as it makes its way down his throat.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see the crowd and in the middle of it he sees a familiar face.

Bakugou hates himself. He never wanted to show vulnerability like this to him. He had always asserted dominance over Midoriya ever since they were little, and Bakugou had a good reason for that.

He can see the green haired boy grab his own shirt tightly, probably despising himself for not being able to help the blonde teen in need at all.

Bakugou looks at him, at the heroes who are not acting. As he becomes dizzier and dizzier his entire world starts fading, until he sees the familiar head full of green hair sprint forward.

Bakugou wants to scream at the idiot. He wants him to stay back. He's only going to get himself hurt. He doesn't have a Quirk. He can't defend himself!

Midoriya slings his backpack off his shoulder and tosses it at the villain in one quick motion. The bag hits the villain in the face, getting him distracted and retracting his body as Bakugou gets room to breathe.

Bakugou coughs and gasps as the oxygen comes flooding back in. When he looks to the side he can see the small teen clawing at the villain, tears in his eyes as well.

'What the hell are you doing, you useless Deku!?' Bakugou screams at him. 'Get away!'

Tears are streaming down Midoriya's face. 'I don't know why, but when I saw you like that, my legs just started moving. I couldn't stop. You looked like.. you wanted to be saved.. Kacchan!'

The slime is starting to envelop the green haired teen as well as Bakugou just wants to curse at him, when suddenly out of the corner of his eye, a hero comes charging forward.

'Texas… smash!' a loud voice boomed as the air around him gets pushed back with such force Bakugou feels like he's going to be swept away as a strong hand takes a hold of his wrist to keep him in place. The sludge villain scatters into pieces across the alley as Bakugou is freed.

When the wind dies down Bakugou falls down on his hands and knees, panting as he's trying to catch his breath. He looks up to see the broad stature of the hero he has always admired. All Might.

'Are you okay?' the hero asks Bakugou as he extends his hand.

Bakugou slaps it away as he gets to his feet. Bakugou takes a deep breath. 'I'm fine,' he answers.

His gaze moves towards the green haired teen who is visibly shaken by the situation. He's being led away by heroes as Bakugou is put down on the curb as well, as they praise him.

He rolls his eyes. He doesn't deserve praise for fighting back against such a pitiful villain. Anyone would've done the same. He was just lucky he had his Quirk. Any other person would've died.

On the other side of the street Midoriya is sitting down, his head hanging low, as the heroes are reprimanding him for jumping in on such a dangerous situation. Bakugou has the urge to join them and tell the nerd off.

He could've easily managed on his own. Nobody ever needs to rescue him!

'Do we need to call your parents?' Kamui Woods asks him.

Bakugou gets to his feet as he sees the green haired boy leave.

'I'm fine,' he says as he brushes past them and out onto the street. He quickly catches up to Midoriya.

'Oi!' he screams as he grabs Midoriya's shoulder to twist him around and pin him against the wall, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. 'What the fuck were you doing there?' Bakugou gnarls.

Midoriya looks away. 'I didn't mean to do that… it just happened…,' he whimpers.

'Don't ever do such a stupid thing again!'

'Yes,' Midoriya replies, sinking even lower against the wall.

'I've told you so many times haven't I? You're not cut out to be a hero. Stop trying to be one!'

'I understand, Kacchan,' the boy replies obediently. Bakugou lets go of his shirt and turns around, his bag slung over his shoulder again, as he makes his way home.

* * *

Bakugou is in his room as he hears the phone ringing.

His mom goes to answer it, but he can't hear what she's saying.

After a little while he hears her coming up the stairs. The door to his room opens and he turns around to look at her, annoyed that she's disturbing him.

'Katsuki,' she says, her voice soft.

He instantly notices the look on her face. A mixture of pain, worry, and grief. She's on the brim of tears. It scares him.

'Mrs. Midoriya just called.'

A surge of panic washes through his body.

'I'm sorry Katsuki. Izuku… he…' she continues, visibly struggling with her words.

He doesn't want to hear it. He can feel his heart pounding. For some reason, he knows what she's going to say. His entire world crumbles away as she finds the courage to finish her sentence.

'He's gone.'


	2. Chapter 2

Bakugou feels like the world is collapsing beneath his feet. He's unable to breathe and he feels dizzy as his mind is trying to process the words his mom just said.

'What do you mean.. he's gone?' he asks, having trouble to push the words past his lips. He doesn't get a reply. He looks up and sees the pained expression on his mother's face. She knows how devastated he must be.

'Izuku has… he has committed suicide this afternoon.'

'How?' It's not the question Bakugou wanted to ask, but he did anyways.

'Katsuki…,' she says.

'HOW!?' Bakugou screams as he gets up from his chair. His heart is pounding and he's starting to feel sick.

'He jumped.'

Bakugou can feel the acid in his throat as he runs towards the bathroom and lurches at the toilet as he throws up all of his food of the day. He hears his moms footsteps behind him as she places a hand on his back. He slaps it away as he pushes himself upright, his legs trembling, as he wipes the spit from his mouth.

'I'm going out,' he says as he shoves her aside and runs downstairs.

He wants to get out of that house. Out of this place. Out of… anywhere. He doesn't want to be anywhere right now.

He slams the door shut behind him as he runs out of the street, rounding corner after corner, his lungs burning as he keeps on running way past his limit. His head is spinning. He pushes his legs as fast as he can, as far as he can, until he's reached the school.

It's way past dark and the street lights are only slightly illuminating the courtyard. He can see the yellow police line waving in the gentle breeze. He feels like he's going to throw up again.

Without thinking he starts climbing up the gate, only realizing halfway that in the hurry he forgot to put his shoes on.

He swings his legs over and lands on the other side, twisting his ankle from the drop. He ignores all of it as he drags his feet forward.

Between the pond and the building Bakugou can see the place where the tape used to be. In the dim light he can clearly see the stain on the ground. A huge red puddle, about three feet wide. Bakugou simply stares at it.

He has no words to say, no emotions to express. He feels like a shell, completely empty inside.

His legs give in and he crashes to the ground, not able to drag his eyes away from the spot.

Slowly he reaches out. As he touches the blood, it's still warm and sticky. How long has it been since he had lain here? Mere hours at most.

Bakugou falls to the side, parallel to the pool of blood that was slowly drying. He feels nothing. He stares at the pool for so long his eyes start to tire and he falls asleep.

* * *

When Bakugou wakes up again he doesn't feel rested. The first thing he sees is the pool of blood in front of his eyes serving as a grim reminder that yesterday had not just been a bad dream.

He pushes himself to his feet and decides he has to go home. It takes him great effort to pull himself away from the scene, but he knows he won't find any answer there. The small boy has already been moved elsewhere, and Bakugou wanted to find out where.

As he closes the door behind him he can hear someone running down the hall. The next thing he knows he's being hugged tightly as his mom cries on his shoulder telling him how worried she was.

'I'm sorry,' Bakugou mutters as he pries himself away from her. 'I'm going to wash up.'

As he goes up the stairs he's glad his mom doesn't question where he had gone off to. He isn't sure he'd have the heart to tell her.

The burning water of the shower isn't hot enough as Bakugou turns it to its max. He turns the water off and stands there, water dripping down his face. He's reluctant to get out, because getting out means he will have to face reality, and he's not sure if he's ready for that.

'Mom?' he asks when he gets downstairs.

'Yes, sweetie?' she replies. She's been kinder to him now than she's ever been before.

'Can we… can we go see him?'

She looks at me, her eyes widening. 'Katsuki, I don't know if that's a good idea…,' she says.

'Please?' he presses. He can't accept it until he's seen him. He doesn't believe he's gone. He feels like the annoying nerd can just pop up the next minute to blab about heroes again.

'I'm sure we'll be invited to the funeral so…' She looks uncomfortable.

'I need to see him!' Bakugou yells.

'I'm not sure if Mrs. Midoriya can handle that now, sweetie,' she says in a soothing voice but it just pisses him off.

'I'll go ask her,' Bakugou says defiantly as he moves towards the door again.

His mom places a hand on his upper arm, keeping him in place. 'She's grieving. You must leave her alone.'

Bakugou looks back at her, tears brimming in his eyes.

'He's my friend,' Bakugou says, gritting his teeth as he's trying to bite back his tears.

Her lip is trembling as she releases her grip. Without a word she grabs her purse and his hand as she takes him down the street to the Midoriya residence.

* * *

Bakugou stares at the floor as they walk down the hall in the morgue. He had taken a look in the empty room filled with All Might memorabilia at the Midoriya's house and had instantly felt sick. His mom pressed him not to come here, but he wanted to.

The woman leads him into a room. In the middle there's a white casket. Its lid is open and Bakugou can already see the green curls lying at the end.

He walks over there without a word and simply stares down at the pale figure beneath him. The freckles and his green curls is what makes him recognizable, but Bakugou misses the energy and life that used to be so vibrant in his eyes.

Bakugou looks to the side and sees that the hair is combed over a certain spot. He doesn't realize it as he reaches out to touch it. The spot is cold and he can feel the dent in his skull from where it hit the concrete the evening before. Bakugou immediately retracts his hand as he starts to feel sick again.

'Deku…,' he mutters under his breath.

Tears are streaming down his face as the reality of the situation is finally settling in his brain. He touches the pale, cold skin of Izuku's hands as he holds it tight.

'Why?' he asks. He knows he's not going to get a response.

'WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUMP YOU STUPID NERD!' he screams as he lets go of the cold hand. He furiously wipes the tears away as anger is building in his chest. 'YOU HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?'

He can feel his mother's hands on his shoulders and he shoves her away.

'I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS.'

His mother forcefully grabs his shoulders and pulls him close as the tears stream down his face.

He pushes her back, making her stumble, as he storms out of the room, through the building, outside, as he feels like he can't breathe. Outside he takes in deep breaths as he tries to control his sobs but fails horribly.

His knees give in as he ends up on the ground, burying his face in his arms as he cries out. He can feel his mother's hand rubbing his back soothingly as he sobs.

He feels like he's been lying there an eternity, and like he could stay there an eternity longer. As long as it needs for him to get Izuku back. But he never will.

* * *

If you have time, watch this please: watch?v=ykx6yWlS8sY


	3. Chapter 3

Bakugou is lingering around Izuku's room, picking up an All Might toy he used to adore. Before he…

The service was so peaceful, just as the boy had always been. The casket was filled with flowers in all the colors of All Might's uniform, symbolizing his everlasting love for heroes. The one thing he was never able to become.

Bakugou hadn't shed a single tear during the entire service, but his heart broke more and more every time he could hear Izuku's mother cry.

Bakugou's mom is helping her settle down at home, but the poor woman still occasionally breaks out into tears. Nobody can blame her. She had just lost her only son, her husband having been abroad for so long that he was basically out of the picture, unable to come back home for the service due to his work.

Bakugou gnarled. Which parent wouldn't do everything to make it home for their child's funeral? To Inko, it felt like she had just lost the only family she had left.

Bakugou sat down on the teen's bed, looking around. It was an ordinary fan boy's room, posters of his idol plastered on every wall, figurines on every shelf, All Might hoodies lining his closet. Bakugou's eye fell on a bookshelf.

He got up and paced over, picking up all the contents and dropping them on the bed. The first notebook he picked up was burnt at the edges, the writing on the front nearly indiscernible.

Bakugou swallowed. He recognized the burn marks all too well. Destroying this book had been his own doing.

He looked at all the others. The front reads "Hero Analysis for the Future". All of them have been numbered, all the way up to unlucky number thirteen. The last one the green haired teen has ever written.

Bakugou opened the books, browsing through the pages that were lined with information about all kinds of heroes Izuku had run into during his life. Complete analyses on their fight and rescue styles, the way their Quirks worked and how their hero costumes provided support. It fit really well with the obsessive fan boy theme.

Bakugou picked all of them up and let them slide into his bag, intent on taking them home. He isn't sure what he'll use them for, but he doesn't want to leave them here.

He picks up number thirteen again, browsing through it until his eyes landed on a certain page. In big letters written across the pages was "Katsuki Bakugou". Beneath it, a letter was folded between the crease. Bakugou folds it open, and starts to read.

 _Dear Kacchan,_

 _By the time you'll read this, I'll be gone._

Bakugou slams the book shut with the letter creasing in it. This is a… a suicide note. Bakugou's gut wrenches together.

He shoves the book in his bag with the rest and slings it over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the living room where Inko and his mom are drinking tea. Inko occasionally wipes away her tears as his mom tries to reassure her that everything will be alright over time, even though Bakugou knows that's a lie. He will never feel the same.

'I want to go home,' Bakugou says.

His mom apologizes for the inconvenience and promises to come by more often as they head out.

Inko tries to force a smile on her face, but anybody can tell that she's obviously grieving.

As they head home, the notebooks in his bag weigh way more than they should as Bakugou dreads having to read the rest of the letter.

* * *

Bakugou is lying on his bed, his hair damp from the bath he's just taken. There's a heavy weight in his stomach, making him unable to eat and making him feel uneasy.

Bakugou rolls over onto his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore his own consciousness as he knows the letter is burning a hole in his bag. He doesn't want to, but he knows he has to.

He gets up and reaches into his bag, pulling out the burnt notebook. As he opens it to the page the letter falls out into his lap.

He puts the notebook back on his desk and sits on his bed, his legs crossed and his back pressed against the cold wall, as he braces himself for what the green haired teen has to say to him.

 _Dear Kacchan,_

 _By the time you'll read this, I'll be gone._  
 _It isn't easy for me to write any of this, and I don't even know how to explain myself._  
 _Is there really a reason for me to explain myself?_  
 _The weight of the world had become a burden to me._  
 _There was only one thing I always wanted to become, and I couldn't._  
 _You pointed me out on that every single day._  
 _You always told me I could never become a hero, because I'm Quirkless._  
 _And you were right._  
 _I guess… I just took the leap to try to become something better._  
 _This way I'm not that stupid nerd to you anymore._  
 _I'll never be a burden to you anymore._  
 _Maybe I'll reincarnate with a Quirk next time around._  
 _Maybe in my next life, I'll have a chance to become a hero._  
 _I know that you'd never cry over someone as useless as me, but I hope you'll at least remember me as your childhood friend._  
 _Maybe in my next life, we'll be childhood friends again. I'd really like that._  
 _I'll miss you, Kacchan._

 _Forever your friend,_

 _Deku_

Tear stains are appearing on the paper as Bakugou is balling his hands into fists, crumpling the paper.

Small sparks are emerging from his hands and he quickly tosses the letter onto his bed to prevent it from catching fire.

He then brings his hands up to his eyes, covering his face completely as he falls sideways. He digs his face into his pillow as he clutches his arms around his body in a desperate attempt to hold himself together.

He had told Izuku that he couldn't be a hero. Every. Single. Day. Bakugou can't even begin to understand how much damage that must've done to the already sensitive boy. Having his dreams crushed at age four, and then over and over again every day as the blonde had made fun of him.

It's more than Bakugou can bear as he cries, stifling in his sobs in his pillow as he doesn't want anyone to notice, while he slowly falls apart.

* * *

Short author's note: I struggle extremely while writing this. I read comments saying they cried when reading this, I cry when writing this. The thought of this happening to anyone... it's pretty hard to imagine. Just so you know that I'm not taking this fic lightly at all.

If you want some more feels, be sure to listen to this: watch?v=o8X-4Q_9sQg

It helps me a lot getting into the right mood to write this.


	4. Chapter 4

Bakugou is sitting in the classroom, his eyes cast downward as he's studying the notes Izuku had written down months ago.

The first day he had to go back to his middle school he had almost broken down right there and then, seeing the white flower on top of the boy's desk.

His friends had urged him to hang out with them more, but Bakugou shrugged them off.

He had spent most of his time in solitude after the incident, thinking things over. What he's done wrong, how he could change himself, how he could fix it… Nothing could be fixed.

As the people around him happily chatted and introduced themselves he retreated to Izuku's analysis.

Even after so many months have passed, Bakugou is struggling with daily life. He has fought hard, even harder after Izuku's passing, to pass the U.A. Entrance Exam. He came out with top score. He wonders if that would've made the little nerd proud.

Today is the first day of their classes. Everyone's excitement is buzzing around the classroom, yet Bakugou doesn't wish to partake in it. He flips over to another page.

No matter how many times Bakugou visits the boy's grave, his brain isn't capable of understanding. Somehow, it feels that he could run into Izuku at any given moment outside, or see him on the news being involved in some villain accident yet again as he liked to snoop around at those.

Bakugou doesn't quite know whether his brain is incapable of grasping the situation, or unwilling.

'Hey bro, you okay?'

Bakugou looks up. In front of him is one of his classmates. The boy has bright red hair that's standing straight up. His uniform is like any other, yet his toothy grin separates him from everyone else.

Bakugou casts his eyes downwards again. 'Yeah. Why?'

'You look kinda… sad. Aren't you excited for your first day?'

The blonde huffs. He might've been in any other situation, but ever since he heard the news, he has become numb to any kind of emotion except for pain.

'My name's Ejiro Kirishima, by the way,' the teen adds, smiling widely at Bakugou.

'Katsuki Bakugou,' he responds.

'Nice to meet you!'

Bakugou looks up again. It doesn't seem like this guy will leave him alone any time soon.

The door to the classroom slides open, revealing an tired looking man in a yellow sleeping bag. The man introduces himself as their homeroom teacher Mr. Aizawa.

Bakugou puts the notebook away as Kirishima walks away to take his seat and classes start.

* * *

As Bakugou lies on his bed staring at notebook number nine he only realizes how impressive this is. Izuku has not only written down typical analytical things like how their hero outfits look and how their Quirks function, he has also added own analyses on which attributes would enhance their power and what more they could do with their Quirks to become even better heroes. Bakugou has to give it to him that the boy was a lot smarter than he looked.

The blonde rolls over on his side as he puts the notebook away.

The letter Izuku had written had haunted him for months. Every second of every day the words would replay in his head.

 _You always told me I could never become a hero  
You were right_

Bakugou grits his teeth. He had blamed himself for a long time, but had begun to realize that it wasn't his fault. The small teen could never have become a Pro Hero like he was trying to become, but he could've done so much more with his life. He could've entered General Studies or the Support Course.

After reading his notebooks Katsuki was sure the boy was smart enough to help any hero reach their full potential. That the nerd hadn't been able to see that and was so caught up in his own unachievable dream hadn't been his fault. Had the teen ever even considered any other part besides becoming a hero?

From the first day Izuku and Katsuki met, the smaller boy couldn't shut up about heroes. He had gushed about how he wanted to be like All Might, strong and a reassuring presence wherever he went. How he would become the next Number One Hero.

As soon as he got his Quirk, the boy would prove Katsuki he was wrong. But he didn't get one. His dreams were shattered that day.

The green haired boy hadn't spoken for over a week, still haunted by the fact he was Quirkless.

Bakugou huffed and rolled over again. Just because Izuku couldn't reach his initial dream, it didn't mean his life was ruined.

It's true, Bakugou was blessed with a Quirk so wonderful it literally blew everyone away, but if by any chance he would've been Quirkless like him, Katsuki wouldn't have given up. He would've found some other way to make himself useful. Stop striving for dreams that were out of reach. The little nerd just never knew when to give up.

And besides that, it isn't Katsuki's fault the boy had been bullied for so long. The boy kept hanging around the blonde, as if wanting to provoke him. The green haired boy would always be around Katsuki, even years after the older teen had stepped on his heart many times and had given him so many bruises and burn marks that he couldn't even keep count anymore.

Izuku had never shown any signs of being as intelligent as his notebooks suggest. He had always pretended to be invisible, kept his head low as Katsuki would rise above everyone else.

Bakugou brings his knees up to his chest and hugs them tight. It isn't Katsuki's fault that Izuku is gone. Even though the boy's notes blamed him, Katsuki knew that a big part of it had been the boy's own fault.

Katsuki takes deep breaths as he tries to control himself. It had been his first day at U.A. and he hadn't made very much of an impression because of the younger teen's death still haunting him.

Tomorrow, he would do better. Katsuki would no longer tear himself up over the boy's suicide. He wasn't to blame after all.


	5. Chapter 5

The following day during physical training Katsuki gives his all. His explosion during the "Hero x Villain" exercise had run so wide and had caused so much damage that he got scolded by no other than All Might himself after that. He had endured it, his mind straying to something else as he grit his teeth at the fact that his – and Izuku's former – childhood idol had become a teacher at U.A.

More than one of his classmates complimented him on his skill and exceeding strength, but Katsuki brushed them all off. He had enough ego boosts for the rest of his life. Lately he had felt rather lackluster considering his emotions, which is why it agitated him thus the more that only the sadness and pain seemed to linger.

When they return to the dressing room Katsuki faces the lockers as he strips himself off of his costume. He carefully folds the black and orange costume back into its case and stuffs all the props into their compartments. The edges of his bracers and gauntlets are singed from overusing his Quirk, so instead of taking it with him back to class he drops it off into a specially designed area for repair.

'Hey!' a voice bounces out from behind him.

Katsuki whips his head around to see Kirishima running up to him, flashing a toothy grin.

'You were totally awesome out there!'

Katsuki hunches his shoulders. He doesn't need friends like he had in middle school, only following him around cause he had a cool and strong Quirk. He's had enough of that. 'Thanks,' Katsuki mutters back, hoping Kirishima will take the hint.

'Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could start like a study group or something. Help each other through the semester, you know?' Kirishima continues. Katsuki looks up at him, raising an eyebrow. 'We've been here two days.'

Kirishima grins and scratches his head. 'I know, but you look like a smart kind of guy. Doubt you'd need my help, but I think I could really use yours!'

Katsuki looks at the ground, his hands dug deep into his pockets as he keeps walking to the exit. He hadn't really come here to make friends. His goal was clear: become the number one hero. He didn't need anything besides that.

'Please!' Kirishima pleads, bowing his head low, his hands palm against palm in front of him. 'I had to study really hard in middle school too to get high enough grades to enter here. If I don't have someone to help me, I'm not sure if I'll make it through this semester!'

Katsuki looks down at him. Kirishima looks pathetic, pleading at someone he's only known for two days, yet there's something about his perseverance that intrigues Katsuki. 'Get up you stupid hair for brains,' Katsuki growls. Kirishima looks up. 'Hair for brains?'

Katsuki clicks his tongue. 'Stop looking so pathetic. I'll teach you.'

Kirishima's eyes light up as he stands up straight, his grin widely spread across his face again. Katsuki wishes he could see a smile like that more often. 'But only if you can handle me!' Katsuki growls. 'I won't go on easy on you!'

This makes Kirishima smile even wider. He's practically beaming at Katsuki's response. 'I won't let you down!'

'You better,' Katsuki grumbles back, turning away from him to make his way home. Kirishima lingers around as they walk off campus all the way to the train station where they eventually split up.

* * *

'I'm not going there!' Katsuki yells.

'Like hell you are!' Mitsuki yells back at him.

Katsuki is standing in the living room in front of the television. Across the coffee table is his mom. Both are ready to flee, must the need for it arise.

'That poor woman has been alone for months!' Mitsuki yells. On the other side of the room Katsuki can see his dad, trying to quietly hush the situation, but it isn't very helpful. 'And why should _I_ have to go? Huh? I doubt she'd want to see me!'

'I called with Inko and she said she wanted to clean up Izuku's room. She thought you might want some of his things, so she invited you over, you dumbass!'

Katsuki freezes in place, leaving room for Mitsuki to come around and smack him on the head. Katsuki growls lowly at her as she places a hand around his upper arm and drags him along to the hall. He grumbles as he puts on his shoes, protesting once more as he's nearly shoved out of the front door. 'Don't give her a hard time!' Mitsuki yells right before she slams the door shut on him.

 _Fucking hell!_ Katsuki thinks to himself as he kicks at a pebble on the ground. Why the fuck does he have to go over there to look through Izuku's stuff? It's not like he wants anything anyways. He already took the notebooks ten months ago, he doubts there's anything more he'd want to have. Still, being sure that he isn't allowed to go back into the house after Inko has called his mother that he came over, Katsuki starts making his way down the street.

His mind is on a rampage as he walks with his hands dug in the pockets of his sweats. Katsuki's been trying to avoid the Midoriya household for as much as he could, knowing that the place only serves as a grim reminder of everything that's happened. Somehow, Katsuki could keep up the illusion that Izuku had never truly disappeared. Even though he had visited his grave countless times, somewhere deep inside his heart, it felt to him like the casket beneath the earth was empty.

The road there isn't very far so it is only a matter of minutes before Katsuki is standing in front of their door. Her door. He rings the doorbell and patiently waits until Inko opens up.

'Katsuki!' she says, feigning excitement. 'I'm so glad you could come.' He brushes past her as she opens the door further to let him in. He takes his hands out of his pockets, knowing far too well how much she hated that.

'Would you like some tea?' she asks him. Katsuki shakes his head. 'No, thank you.'

Inko Midoriya was about the only person he would remain polite to. The woman has a heartwarming aura around her that nobody can possibly ignore, not even Katsuki.

'Alright. You know where his room is, you're free to take whatever you want.' Katsuki looks at her. 'Whatever?' he questions. She nods. 'Most of his things are All Might memorabilia, so I have no value on them.' When she sees Katsuki's puzzled look she continues. 'Don't worry, I've searched through it before. I've taken everything I wanted to keep.'

Katsuki feels a bit more relieved at that. He wouldn't want to take anything away from her that she'd hold dear. How would it feel, to have the last memories of someone you loved left in material things…

Katsuki swallows hard as he turns away. As he stands in front of the door, he realizes entering might be his biggest challenge. Opening this door would mean facing reality, for good. Taking the things he loved home with him, as a last reminder of his former best friend.

Katsuki reaches out for the knob, his hand trembling as he touches the cold metal. Slowly, he pushes the lever down, and the door to Izuku's room slides open. It's dark. The curtains are closed and the atmosphere feels empty. Katsuki walks in, one slow step at a time, breathing in deeply as he's trying to maintain his posture.

He closes the door softly behind him before flicking the lights on, casting a shadow over all what used to be his. As Katsuki slowly looks around, it really seems as if nobody has been here for the past ten months. And maybe nobody hasn't.

The air feels tight around Katsuki as he moves forward. He traces a single finger across the desk. It's lined with dust. He looks around again. Every wall is plastered with All Might posters. On his desk are several All Might stationary items. Figures, in all poses and sizes, lining the shelves on his wall.

Katsuki crouches down, wrapping his arms around his body as he slowly breathes in and out. Before, he could pretend Izuku was still alive. As if he had gone to a different school than Katsuki, and that's why they weren't talking anymore. As if they had moved away and fallen out of touch. But standing here, in this room, on his own, knowing that Izuku will never return home.. It makes Katsuki's heart clench.

He takes another few deep breaths before getting back up. He goes to one of the shelves which is somehow not lined with All Might merchandise. Katsuki picks up some heavy books and throws them onto the bed. Dust flies up and drifts around until it settles on the floor, making Katsuki cough.

He plops down on the covers and opens one of the books, noticing quickly that it's a photo album. Katsuki looks at it questioningly. Photo albums seem like a thing a mother would like to keep… He wonders why Inko left it behind.

As he browses through the pages he notices that it are mostly pictures from his childhood. Their childhood. On nearly every picture it's Katsuki and Izuku. Pictures of them going to the water park together, a picture at a zoo where Izuku cried after being scared by one of the tigers with Katsuki trying to console him, a picture of the first day in middle school in their uniforms. The time before Katsuki had started bullying him. A picture on the day Katsuki had nicknamed him… Katsuki lingers there.

He takes the picture off the page and looks at it closely. They were sitting in the sand of a playground at the end of the street. Katsuki could clearly see the bucket at Izuku's side with his name written on it. Two of Katsuki's friends were with them as they were pictured building sandcastles. After that, the moms had left them alone, and Katsuki had come to the great revelation of calling the boy Deku. Useless. Katsuki hangs his head low as he considers how much that name must've haunted him.

Katsuki lies down on the covers. Dusty as they are, he finds comfort in them. He spends a considerable time looking at the pictures. Analyzing them. Indulging in them. Seeing Izuku's smile change to a sad expression. The timeline of their childhood nearly complete up until their second year in middle school.

Katsuki's eyelids start to become heavy as he keeps looking at the pictures, but he doesn't want to let go yet. It feels as if he could just turn back time and re-do their childhood. Katsuki wishes they could. Looking at these pictures, Katsuki doesn't feel as if Izuku is gone.

Time passes more quickly than Katsuki notices. Before he completely falls asleep he hears the door to the room opening. The light flickers off as Katsuki falls asleep, the photo album clutched closely to his chest, wondering what would've happened if Izuku had never been Deku, but just Izuku instead.


	6. Chapter 6

Katsuki had felt embarrassed when he woke up in Izuku's bed. Next to embarrassed, he had also felt uneasy. He hadn't slept so well in weeks and being in the room filled to the brim with All Might merch had given his brain the false sensation of sleeping next to Izuku, like they used to do when they were children. Katsuki had woken up thinking the boy would be by his side, but was disappointed and then brought back to reality when he saw the picture book he was clutching to his chest.

Katsuki had apologized to Inko as he crept out of the bedroom, his hair sticking out everywhere except to where it was supposed to stick. She had replied that it was no trouble and that she had called his mom to make sure she wouldn't worry over him. He had thanked her softly but refused her offer to let him stay for breakfast. He didn't want to be in this house any longer.

Katsuki had quickly gone back to the room with an empty box. He hadn't intended on taking anything else with him, but he had found himself clearing many of the shelves anyway. Eventually he had returned home carrying two full boxes of junk to his room. He wasn't quite sure what he'd do with it, but he wanted to keep it, that's all he knew.

Now, over a week later, things had gotten more intense at school. Katsuki was trying to keep his ground as several of his classmates were forcing him backwards in a hero against villain exercise.

Katsuki had pulled the shortest straw and was forced to be the villain as the rest of the class tried to capture or immobilize him. Most of them thought I'd be easy, considering it was four against one, but they always forgot to account for Katsuki's huge difference in strength.

At the end of the third round their time was up and Katsuki was drained in sweat as he panted heavily. He flashed a grin to the losing team, showcasing his pride and strength of the fact that even after two already exhausting rounds he was still able to win on his own.

He had felt strong and powerful during that time, but as soon as everyone leaves the grounds to take showers and change into their uniforms, Katsuki's smile falters. He wipes his forehead and then slides the gauntlets off his arms as he carries them under his armpit and in his hand towards the changing rooms.

Nearly two weeks have passed after high school started and Katsuki is alone. No, that isn't true. Kirishima tries to talk to him every day and today after class they'll have a study meeting at a café somewhere not far from here, but besides him, Katsuki has nobody.

As Katsuki glances around in the changing room while he buttoning up his blouse he notices he isn't the only one without any friends though, and it makes him feel somewhat better.

'You ready to go?' Kirishima asks as he walks up to Katsuki's locker. Katsuki glares at him. Kirishima puts his hands up in defense and grins. 'I'll wait.'

Kirishima walks away and sits down on one of the benches in the middle of the hall, crossing his legs as he looks around at everyone else. Katsuki quickly finishes up and slams the door of his locker closed to signal to Kirishima that he's ready. Kirishima happily leads the way outside and chats all the way back to the classroom where they drop off their hero suits. After that they head out towards a café that Kirishima recommended.

Katsuki shoves his hands in his pockets as he keeps up with Kirishima who simply keeps talking and apparently doesn't mind that Katsuki doesn't respond much. Even though Katsuki isn't that social, he's glad someone like Kirishima puts up with him anyways.

* * *

'The official job of Pro Hero hasn't been around for that long,' Kirishima states as a matter of fact.

'Yeah, I know that, I'm reading the same book as you,' Katsuki retorts. 'Isn't that weird, though?' Kirishima replies as he looks up at Katsuki. Katsuki picks up his drink and takes a sip from it as he raises an eyebrow at Kirishima. 'They say that the job of Pro Hero wasn't implemented until the end of the second generation of Quirk users. What did they do before that?'

Katsuki shrugs. He doesn't really care about what they did before there were Pro Heroes. There are Pro Heroes now and he's becoming one. 'Just solve their problems on their own I guess,' Katsuki says as he flips the page to the next subject. 'Come on, Kiri, hurry the fuck up. I'm not going to sit here until sundown.'

Kirishima looks up, grinning. 'What?' Katsuki snaps. 'You called me Kiri.' Katsuki clicks his tongue. Is that what he's hung up on? 'It's no big deal. It's easier to say.'

Kirishima chuckles as his gaze flickers back to his book. Katsuki rolls his eyes. He's making a way bigger deal out of this than Katsuki meant it to. It was simply easier to say and easier to remember. And it wasn't the derogative nickname he wanted to say…

'Let's move on to rescue situations,' Katsuki says to move the topic of the conversation onwards. Kirishima frowns as he looks at the pages. On the page displayed on front of him are several hypothetical situations they should be able to solve in theory. Practical training would come later this semester.

'A villain has set off a bomb in the middle of a mall. How do you respond?' Katsuki questions. He can see Kirishima wracking his brain across the table. He's completely forgetting that he had ordered a hot drink that has gone way past cold by now. After pondering for a while longer and taking notes Kirishima has an answer. 'First call the authorities, then try to evacuate the scene and take care of the wounded.'

Katsuki looks back at his book to see if the answer is correct. After he confirms Kirishima's answer it's his turn to answer a question. 'In the case of a hostage situation, how do you react?'

Katsuki doesn't have to think long about that. 'Try to force your way in, take out the people holding them hostage and hand their asses to the cops.' Kirishima stares at him with wide eyes. 'That's way too aggressive, bro.'

'Hah? Since when!?' Katsuki retorts. Kirishima chuckles, not losing his footing to Katsuki's temper. 'Since always. Try again.' Katsuki slams the book against the table and gulps down the last of his drink as he overthinks the situation again. 'Fine,' he grumbles. 'If you were to be the Pro Hero at the scene you would try to negotiate with the hostage holders. If that were not to work you'd discuss with other Pro Heroes to force a way in, take down the enemies while securing the hostages safety.' Kirishima smiles proudly as if his firstborn has just won a spelling bee.

'That's a way better answer than before!' he beams. Katsuki folds his arms across his chest and leans back. 'I'm not stupid like you.' Kirishima fakes a pout. 'At least I answered that question in one try.'

Katsuki glares at him and growls, which only makes Kirishima chuckle in response. 'Alright, let's do one more situation and then call it a day.' Katsuki picks up the book in front of him again and puts it in his bag as Kirishima reads the last situation for the day.

'You find someone at the edge of a building. You're the Pro Hero at the scene. What would you do to prevent the person from jumping?'

Katsuki's heart misses more than one beat. His entire body freezes as the words are processing through his brain. 'Not be a dick to him…,' he unconsciously mutters.

'What's that?' Kirishima asks.

'Nothing!' Katsuki says, shoving his seat backwards as he gets up. He swings his bag across his shoulder as he turns to leave. Kirishima is shouting his name but Katsuki can't hear him. The blood is rushing to his face as he feels he's unable to breath. His heart is pounding in his chest. A hand on his shoulder stops him in place.

'Dude, what's wrong?' Kirishima stares at him with a concerned look on his face. It reminds Katsuki of the time when he and Izuku were children, when Izuku only wanted to help, that's the kind of expression Kirishima is wearing. 'I said it's nothing!' Katsuki yells, shoving Kirishima backwards.

Kirishima's eyes widen in shock at the sudden outburst. Katsuki's hands are sparking uncontrollably. Anger is surging through Katsuki's body, and he can't really explain why. He just needs to let it all out. Katsuki turns on his heels and takes off as he leaves Kirishima standing there.

Kirishima had gotten used to Katsuki's more "explosive" personality, even though it's been only two weeks since they met, he thought he could handle it and read him. This reaction was out of proportion and it scared Kirishima.

Katsuki's eyes were flared wide open, displaying a panicked reaction Kirishima had only ever seen on TV. Kirishima was frozen in place as he saw how worked up Katsuki had gotten, not knowing what he could do to calm him down.

Kirishima feels really bad as he realizes Katsuki has already disappeared from view. He hangs his shoulders low as he turned around to go home himself, wracking his brain over why Katsuki had overreacted so much, not knowing whether he should inquire about it the next day or not.

From the first day he had seen Katsuki, he saw that Katsuki was the kind of person that'd need a friend, so Kirishima had taken the task upon himself to befriend the unfriendly glaring person in the class. After this, Kirishima was sure that Katsuki desperately needed someone to help him guide towards the right path, and Kirishima promised, more to himself than to Katsuki, that he would never leave Katsuki's side.


	7. Chapter 7

Katsuki is sitting at a table at lunch together with his classmates. Kirishima is talking to him, but everything goes in one ear and out the other.

Ever since yesterday Katsuki had felt nauseous and he wished he just could've skipped today. Not just school, just the entirety of this day. He had been dreading it for a while, but now that it had finally come, it made Katsuki feel worse and worse.

He mindlessly stabbed into a piece of meat and shoved it into his mouth, not tasting anything. Kirishima, noticing that Katsuki was zoning out, had diverted his attention to his other classmates, deciding to let Katsuki be.

This date didn't have any meaning before to him. It was just any other ordinary day as usual. Only last year it got a meaning. A meaning Katsuki would rather forget. Today was Izuku's first death anniversary. Time had went by so fast that Katsuki could barely believe it had been a year already. A year without Deku. A year without his childhood friend.

Without noticing it Katsuki had held his chopsticks so firmly that they snapped in half. 'Are you okay?' Kirishima asked him. Katsuki didn't have anything to reply. He was doing miserable. He wanted to get out of there. The cafeteria had always been too crowded for his taste, but today it felt suffocating.

'No,' he eventually muttered and got up, leaving the rest of his meal and the broken chopsticks behind as he went back to class. He took great strides as he passed through the halls. Without thinking for another moment he went into the classroom, picked up his bag, slung it over his shoulder, and left.

* * *

Katsuki slammed the door shut. His mother peeked her head around the doorframe from the living room. 'Why are you home so early?' she questioned. 'I didn't feel good,' Katsuki replies as he kicks off his shoes and throws his bag down. 'Did you tell the teacher?' Katsuki shakes his head and moves to go upstairs. 'Katsuki?'

Katsuki feels like he's going to burst. In his room he immediately lies down in his bed and curls up. It's stupid. Today is just a day. No different than any other day. It's only different because of him. It's not fair.

Katsuki rolls over and grabs notebook number eleven. He browses through the pages, trying to distract himself, even though reading one of his notebooks might not be the best solution for that.

About halfway through the notebook, Katsuki starts to notice something. The analyses are starting to become more sloppy. Half-finished sentences, analyses that have no ground.

Katsuki sits up straight and scrutinizes them carefully. The drawings have become messy; the lines are crooked and details are missing. As Katsuki flips further through the pages, he notices that the sentences are becoming shorter, more general, short words instead of sentences.

Eventually something else catches Katsuki's eye. In the margins he sees short scribbles. They're very messily written, probably done in a hurry. Katsuki brings the book closer to him so he can properly read what it says. Katsuki's heart breaks yet again as he sees the words written there.

 _Why does nobody like me?_

 _I shouldn't be here._

 _I'm just a Quirkless good-for-nothing._

 _I will never achieve anything._

All these words make Katsuki shake with anger. He flips further through the pages, and the closer he comes to the end, the more words appear. Katsuki throws the notebook away and picks up number twelve.

 _Nobody needs me._

 _Why do I even exist?_

 _I shouldn't be alive anymore._

 _It would make everyone better if I wasn't here._

He nearly rips the notebook apart from anger, but just barely avoids doing so. He picks up the last notebook. The same messages, over and over.

 _I shouldn't be alive._

 _It'd make everyone happier._

 _Why am I still living?_

Over and over. It makes Katsuki extremely sick, he feels like hurling. Tears are burning in his eyes, but they're not sadness. They're pure rage. Towards the end of the notebook, so many things are written in the margins it becomes indiscernible, but Katsuki can tell what they're saying.

He lurches forward, taking hold of the tenth notebook again. He furiously goes through it, looking for any indication, anything at all… The Endeavor fan incident. That was three years ago, halfway through middle school.

Katsuki falls back on his bed, his hands shaking, his stomach lurching. He presses his hand to his mouth as he feels the acid coming up, sprinting for the bathroom, throwing up everything he had barely eaten at lunch.

 _Why!?_ Katsuki thought. He clenches his fists together so hard that his knuckles turn white. Because he doesn't know what to do, he gets up and stands over the sink, the cool porcelain pressed against his hot palms.

Katsuki looks up and sees himself in the mirror. His face is extremely pale and cold sweat is dripping from his temple. Pure anger is being collected in the pit of his stomach, making Katsuki so mad that he pulls his arm back and crashes straight into the mirror, breaking it into a dozen pieces.

'Katsuki!?' his mom yells.

Katsuki turns around, taking the stairs two steps at a time. He can barely catch himself against the wall opposite the stairs before he falls face first onto the floor. He slips on his shoes, his head dizzy, his heart hot, as he runs out, leaving the door open, his mother calling after him.

* * *

Katsuki is out of breath as he turns the last corner. 'Fuck, why did you have to be buried so far away,' he mutters to himself. His legs are trembling as he slows to a walk, entering the cemetery on his own. He had promised his mother to go here with her later today, after school, but reading the notes made Katsuki feel the inescapable urge to go see him.

The Katsuki deep down is screaming his lungs out. He wants to scream, to be mad at Izuku, yet for the sake of the others at the cemetery, he remains quiet. Finally, he comes face to face with the grave he'd been dreading to see, and now felt obligated to go to.

The grave isn't very special. Izuku's mom wasn't very wealthy, so all she could afford with some financial support from her family and friends was a traditional grave. Katsuki looked at the words engraved on the stone. _Midoriya Izuku_. That's all it said. So plain. So simple. Just as Izuku had been.

Incense was burning at the foot of the stone and several flowers were laid out. More people have been here today. Who could possibly have cared for Izuku besides his mom and him? They were all just fake.

Standing there, all of Katsuki's anger started to come back up. He couldn't scream, it would be rude, yet he wanted to. His voice broke as he tried to keep his voice down. 'Why the fuck did you do that?' he hissed. 'Why on Earth do you write such things in your notebook and never talk to anyone about it? You've been depressed for over two years and you never said anything! Not to me, not to your own mother! What are you, stupid?'

Katsuki's voice was rising, despite his struggles to keep it down. 'If you knew you should've gotten help!' he shouted. 'If you don't tell anyone nobody can help you! It's your own fault you killed yourself! You could've done things different! This isn't my fault! It's your own!'

Blood was rushing to his head, making him feel hot, his face turning extremely red. Veins were pulsing in his neck as he screamed out all his frustrations at the most inappropriate place in the entire world. 'Why do you blame me for something you did!?' Katsuki choked, tears streaming down his face.

His knees gave way. His hands were placed on the smooth slab of stone that was supposed to be Izuku's grave. Katsuki leaned forward, his forehead leaning against the stone as well as it became dripping wet with his tears. 'It's not fair you've done this to me, you fucking nerd!' he yelled, his voice breaking on nearly every word. Katsuki wanted to say this to Izuku himself. He wanted to see the expression on his face as he would come to know how much someone cared about him, even though Katsuki never showed it.

Katsuki was a sobbing mess, wrapping his arms around himself to desperately try to keep himself together, to no avail. 'You should've talked to me!' Katsuki squealed, clutching his chest as his heart hurt. His throat felt raw and he could hear people trying to talk to him, but he shut all of it out.

He was angry. Mad. Furious. Izuku had blamed Katsuki for the things he had done, when Izuku didn't do anything himself. It wasn't fair. It just was not fair!

Katsuki got himself together for just a moment, pushing himself up from the grave and storming out, ignoring everyone staring at him. He bit his lip so hard till it bled, having to keep all of it in. It was an impossible task.

He started walking faster. Faster. Running. Sprinting.

His cheeks still wet with tears, he ran to the other side of the street. There he stood.

And screamed.


	8. Chapter 8

Katsuki stared in awe at the facility of the Unforeseen Simulation Joint, the amazement not showing on his face. Aizawa had announced that today would be different than usual and had guided them onto the bus towards the facility.

The dome was huge and filled with all kinds of different terrain, made for rescue operations. They were accompanied by another Pro Hero, Thirteen, who was specialized in rescue operations.

As they stood at the top of the stairs listening to Thirteen's explanation of their surroundings, an eerie feeling crept onto all of the students as something that seemed like a black hole starting to appear at the middle of the open square. Multiple villains started to emerge from the portal, and all of the students took a step back as Aizawa ordered them.

Aizawa didn't hesitate for a moment as he barked at Thirteen to ensure the student's safety as he jumped down and started attacking their assailants, moving with such speed and skill it almost looked like he could've taken on the entire army by himself.

The blood in Katsuki's veins started to flow faster as his heartbeat was raising. He looked behind himself at the door that they just entered through and saw several of his classmates eyeing the escape route, ready to make a run for it, as the purple portal shifted in front of them, manifesting into a nearly human form.

Sparks were flying from Katsuki's palms as the adrenaline rushed through him. He clicked his tongue. Villains were the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.

In an instant he and Kirishima both leapt forward, hands outstretched to damage the warp gate. Katsuki sent off an explosion and Kirishima lurched out as the warp gate quickly sprung outside, barely out of reach.

'That could've gone bad,' the gate mutters as he outstretches his arms, enclosing all of the students in the swirl of black and purple mist. Before Katsuki had a chance to notice what was going on, his surroundings had changed.

He took a step backwards as he was faced with multiple villains, all with varying degrees of strength and useful Quirks. As he stepped back he hit something. Katsuki quickly glanced over his shoulder and instantly recognized the bright red hair on top of Kirishima's head.

'What should we do?' Kirishima asks, his gaze occasionally flickering Katsuki's way but also keeping an eye on the villains. Katsuki grinned and slammed a fist into his palm, creating smoke that twirled up. 'Kick their asses,' Katsuki said.

He lurched forward, all the blood in his body boiling, as he fought.

* * *

Barely any villain had laid a hand on Katsuki or Kirishima. Together they were skillful enough to take all of them out. 'Do you think the others are okay?' Kirishima asks as he nudges one of the unconscious villains with his foot. Katsuki outstretches a hand and without looking blasts a villain with a chameleon-like Quirk in the face, knocking them out in an instant. 'Should be,' Katsuki replied.

Even though he didn't seem like it, Katsuki kept close attention to his classmates, and he believed that every single one of them was strong enough to account for themselves in this situation. It's the closest thing to compassion Katsuki could manage at this point. 'We should go to the central area,' Kirishima suggests. Katsuki nods and follows Kirishima as they try to find a way out of the building they were warped into.

As they get out, Katsuki spots something from across a rubble filled area. On the ground, covered in blood, is one of their classmates. Katsuki instantly recognizes the orange hair. 'Kendo,' Kirishima gasps as a villain closes in on her.

Katsuki clicks his tongue as he doesn't waste a second and sprints forward. 'Bakugou!' Kirishima calls out and dashes after him.

While running, Katsuki analyses the situation. Only one villain visible, but might be more around. Strong Quirk if they got Kendo knocked out. Not to be messed with. Also not something Katsuki couldn't handle.

Katsuki puts his hands next to his body and sets off his Quirk, flying into the air to gain a height advantage. As he comes crashing down, he moves his hands to the front of his body, aiming the palms at the villain, knocking them back five feet without any struggle.

Katsuki ends up standing in front of Kendo's unconscious body. He sees Kirishima rushing up to them and picking Kendo up from the ground. 'Her head is bleeding,' Kirishima says. Katsuki turns around and kneels down at Kirishima who's holding her in his arms. 'Try to stop the bleeding,' Katsuki orders, taking Kendo from him.

Kirishima gets up and tears a part of his costume off to press on the bleeding wound. Kirishima takes Kendo from Katsuki again as he sees something shift from the corner of his eye. He can't jump aside so he crosses his arms in defense as the villain crashes into him.

He can feel the strain on his forearms as he tries to ward off the attack, shifting his hands that his palms are facing forward and sending off an explosion which makes the villain stumble back. The villain grins as he looks at the three of them. 'Isn't that girl dead yet? What a pity.'

Katsuki grits his teeth. 'Shut up,' he barks at the villain. He raises his hand, aiming at the villains chest as he takes the safety off of his gauntlets. The villain bursts out laughing. 'Try me,' he taunts. It makes Katsuki even more angry and he doesn't hold back.

The entire villain's body is surrounded by smoke and Katsuki is sure he's dealt enough damage to take him out once and for all, but as the smoke dissipates, the villain is still standing. His body is glowing softly as it seems to get absorbed. 'My body thrives on absorbing heat. Your Quirk is a treat to me,' the villain grins. 'Should've ran when you had the chance. Or kill yourself. It'll be less painful that way.'

Katsuki's eye twitches. It's a taunt, something to provoke him, but the villain doesn't realize how much it is doing its job. In the split of a second Katsuki unhooks the safety of his other gauntlet and leaps forward, hand aiming at the villain's face as he blasts his most powerful explosion yet, not holding back.

The villain stammers back, tripping over his feet and falling backwards. It's enough for Kirishima to pick up Kendo and run, but Katsuki is blinded. Rage is making his vision blurry as he jumps on the villain's body and starts slamming his fists into the guy's face and body, quickly drawing blood.

The villain has gone way past unconscious as Katsuki keeps punching him, unable to stop. He can't hold back. He doesn't want to. A pair of strong arms pick Katsuki up as he kicks and screams at the villain.

'Bakugou,' Kirishima's voice enters his ears. 'He's already knocked out.' Katsuki stops thrashing. He puts his feet steady on the ground and pulls himself from Kirishima's grasp.

Katsuki's breathing is heavy. He wipes his gloved hand across his forehead, sweat dripping from his face as his heart is pounding. 'Are you okay?' Kirishima asks. Katsuki looks over at Kirishima, who is frowning with worry. Katsuki looks away. 'I'm fine.'

Kirishima wants to reach out and ask him what's wrong, but this isn't the right time and place. He turns on his heel to pick Kendo up and nudges Katsuki on his shoulder while passing by, indicating they should move. Katsuki has lost control of his body and his mind, and he felt terrible for that.

Right now, his brain on zero, he obediently follows Kirishima as the rest of the fight unfolds.

* * *

Katsuki is walking out of the building, his bag slung over his shoulder. He'd been chewed out by several teachers for nearly an hour for his outburst back at the USJ.

In the end, All Might had come to save all of them, but Thirteen and Aizawa were fatally wounded. So was the villain Katsuki had beaten up.

They told him it wasn't hero-like behavior to act like that and that he had to seriously think about what he'd done. Katsuki knew that what he had done was wrong, but every mention of suicide just got to him so badly.

He drags his feet towards the entrance gate. 'Hey.' Katsuki looks up. Kirishima is standing at the gate, leaning against it. As Katsuki comes closer Kirishima pushes himself up and walks up next to him. 'Did you wait for me?' Katsuki asks.

Kirishima flashes a sheepish grin and scratches his head. 'I thought they'd lecture you for a while. Didn't think it'd be this long, though.' Katsuki's gaze is focused on the ground. They walk in silence for a while. Katsuki isn't sure why Kirishima is sticking around. He's positive that they have to go in completely opposite directions to go home and he isn't up for a study session right. Kirishima would be crazy if he did.

'So, uhm,' Kirishima starts. Katsuki glares up at him. 'I've been meaning to ask for a while now.' Katsuki starts to walk a little straighter so he can look Kirishima in the eye. 'Is there something wrong?' It's such a broad question. Katsuki doesn't know any other way to reply to that then 'Yeah, why?'

Kirishima scratches his head but the grin isn't present. He actually looks kind of concerned. 'You kind of seem to have these.. I don't know.. temper issues? And you've been closing yourself off from most of the class during lunch and such. I'm starting to get worried.'

Katsuki looks over at Kirishima. His glance is down at the ground and his cheeks are slightly flushed. He must find it awkward to discuss this with Katsuki. Katsuki can't blame him. He doesn't seem very approachable to begin with.

'It's nothing,' Katsuki says, trying to brush it off. Kirishima takes a hold of Katsuki's wrist and comes to a halt. Kirishima is staring at Katsuki's back who is keeping his eyes on the ground. 'Please, talk to me,' Kirishima pleads.

He can see how much Katsuki is hurting at times. He notices when he's spacing out, when his aggressive behavior is normal and when it gets out of proportion. They haven't been friends for long, but Kirishima has a knack for it and it just so happened that he could see all of these things in Katsuki in an instant.

'I can't.'

Kirishima sees Katsuki's shoulders tensing up. 'Please, Bakugou,' he tries again. Katsuki lifts a hand to his face to hide his red cheeks and the tears in his eyes.

'I can't,' he repeats and tries to pull away from Kirishima's grasp, but Kirishima won't let him. 'I'm trying to help,' he begs.

'You can't!' Katsuki spits out, turning around and freeing himself from Kirishima's hold. Tears are dangerously close to rolling off his cheeks. It makes Katsuki feel awful to look so weak in front of one of his classmates.

'Why?' Kirishima asks, taking a step forward to close the distance between the two of them. Katsuki staggers back. 'Nobody can help me! Cause it's my fault!'

Katsuki's emotions are overwhelming him once again. He truly resents feeling this much. He isn't able to control it as he used to and his entire demeanor is shifting because of that. He feels weak and vulnerable, something he had never experienced before until a year prior to this day.

'What is your fault?' Kirishima says, his voice trying to be soothing. It makes Katsuki feel even worse.

Suddenly, his emotions are pouring over. The toll of his friend's death is still weighing heavy on his shoulders. Add to that the stress of today's attack, plus an hour-long scolding for going overboard. Now, standing face to face to the person he considers his best friend, seeing him so worried over someone like him. It's too much.

'It's my fault he's dead!' Katsuki screams. 'It's my fault he killed himself!'

Katsuki feels like he just reached his lowest point as a pair of arms wrap around him, pressing his face into their shoulder and holding him close. Katsuki's body shivers with every sob he wishes to suppress.

'I'm sure it isn't your fault,' Kirishima says softly. But no matter how hard Katsuki wants it to, he just can't believe him.

* * *

Hey, I just wanted to leave a quick note for y'all: Thank you. Thank you for reading this. I really appreciate it. I love you. You're appreciated. 3


	9. Chapter 9

Katsuki is sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, looking out the window. Kirishima is staring at him from his spot on the ground, his legs going numb from sitting cross-legged for so long.

After Katsuki had finally calmed down he had pulled away from Kirishima's embrace, furiously wiping away his tears and cursing himself for looking so vulnerable. Still, Kirishima seemed unfazed by the situation and had stayed by his side.

The words were already spoken, so Katsuki knew it was time to come clean about his strange behavior of the past few weeks. He had brought Kirishima home, neither of them speaking a word as Katsuki had made them tea and dragged him to his room. There they had sat in silence for longer than Kirishima can recall.

He didn't know what to do. He tried starting up the conversation more than once, but because he didn't quite understand what Katsuki had meant with the fact it's "his fault he killed himself", he had felt too awkward to start talking.

Katsuki cleared his throat and Kirishima looked up expectantly. 'I… used to have a friend,' Katsuki started. 'His name was De..Izuku. We had been together since we were kids, grew up together.'

Katsuki choked. He didn't know how to tell this. How would anyone ever say "Hey, I used to have this friend that I cherished and cared so much about, but I bullied him so much that he leapt off a roof"? It made Katsuki's heart ache.

'What happened to him?' Kirishima's quiet voice fills the room. Katsuki keeps his gaze down. 'He killed himself.' Kirishima wasn't surprised by the answer. The way Katsuki had been behaving every time suicide was even slightly mentioned it was obvious he had lost someone like that.

'It's my fault,' Katsuki says, hanging his head even lower. He doesn't want to look Kirishima in the eye. Even though he's the first person he's telling about his issues, Katsuki feels vulnerable and weak. He hates it.

'Why would that be your fault?' Kirishima carefully tries. He could've never imagined that in his entire life he would have a conversation like this. It makes him glad that Katsuki trusts him enough to confide in him, relieved that he's willing to talk about what's bothering him, but also afraid. What if he says the wrong things and Katsuki closes himself off again. Knowing now what's bothering him, if Kirishima somehow screws up, he's sure that Katsuki will never even look at him again.

'Because I bullied him.' Kirishima _is_ surprised by that. 'What? Why?'

'Because…' Katsuki bites his lip. Why did he bully Izuku? Because he was Quirkless. No. That was a terrible, stupid reason. Because Izuku was stronger than him. He clicked his tongue. As if. The real reason he bullied him was…

'Because I was jealous. People always liked him better than me because he was always so kind and happy. Whenever he walked in he would brighten up the room. I could never be like that.' Kirishima's mind was spinning. Bullying someone into suicide because of jealousy? It seemed so… 'But I never meant to make him do that.'

Kirishima looks up. Katsuki is looking out the window again but Kirishima can see his lower lip trembling. Katsuki's on the verge of tears, trying to keep himself together. He manages, just barely.

'I never thought…,' Katsuki chokes. He takes a deep breath and looks around, staring Kirishima in the eye, his own eyes glistening with tears. Why was talking about it so damn hard!? He never once cried at his stupid therapist's place, but ever since starting U.A. it seemed a necessity to do it every single week.

'I never _wanted_ him to die. If only I'd known that it bothered him so much I would've..!' Katsuki's voice trails off. 'Would you have quit bullying him?' Kirishima finishes. Katsuki covers his face with his hands as the tears start streaming down his cheeks for the second time that day. Kirishima is about to get up to comfort his new friend when Katsuki looks back up, his eyes glassy, but also a certain tinge of anger behind it. 'I would've tried harder to let him know that I cared!' he snaps, his voice breaking a little.

'Because I did! I did care! I just… I never showed it right! And now I can't because he's… he's gone!'

'Maybe he knew that you cared. It's almost never someone's fault if somebody close to them kills themselves, but- ,' Kirishima starts but Katsuki cuts him off. He climbs over the bed and snatches something from his nightstand. To Kirishima it looks like a normal notebook, but when scrutinizing it closer he can see the burn marks at the edges.

'It _is_ my fault,' Katsuki says through gritted teeth, pulling a piece of paper from the notebook. He hands Kirishima the note that Izuku had written for him. The one that made it so painfully obvious to Katsuki that everything was his fault, his doing. He was the reason Izuku had died.

Kirishima carefully reads the note and can immediately feel why Katsuki feels so guilty about all of this. The way this "Deku" had stated it, it very much looks like he blames everything on Katsuki. 'He was Quirkless,' Kirishima states. Katsuki nods. 'And you bullied him for that?' He nods again.

Kirishima looks back at the note and then back up at Katsuki. His stomach is twisting and his heart is pounding. He doesn't know how to deal with these situations. It makes him highly uncomfortable, but still he tries. He gets to his feet and drops down next to Katsuki on the bed, keeping his distance because he knows the blonde doesn't like physical affection.

'Look, I don't know everything about what happened between you and him. The way this is written,' he says waving the note around, 'it seems like he blames you. But that isn't fair.' Katsuki glances up. 'I've known you for a little while now, and even though we aren't really that close, I know you're not the kind of person to wish people dead, even though you sometimes say otherwise.'

Katsuki shifts and crosses his legs to sit a little more comfortably. 'I think this guy had a lot more issues than just you, but he was afraid to admit it, and blaming it on someone else is easy.' Katsuki's heartbeat is starting to slow down. 'It can't all have been your fault, and-,' Kirishima says, putting the note away and grabbing Katsuki's upper arm, forcing the blonde to look at him. 'And even if it was your fault, you're trying to change aren't you? You aren't the same guy that used to bully this person, so… so you should stop beating yourself up over it!'

Katsuki stares at him. The words spoken from Kirishima's mouth were so honest, they had no hidden meaning behind them at all. Kirishima truly believed that it wasn't all Katsuki's fault, and even if it was, he was trying to change for the better. He had tried so hard not to use bad nicknames anymore, to not look down on people anymore, feeling bad whenever the habit of yelling 'DIE!' would surface.

Even so, Katsuki had a hard time believing the words the red head spoke. He pulled his knees to his chest again and rested his chin on it, pulling away from Kirishima's grasp. 'I just wonder what if. What if I never bullied him. What if I had told him I cared. What if I had stayed friends with him and told him he _could_ be a hero. He probably would still be alive.'

'And what if you never had?'

Katsuki glances sideways at Kirishima who is still staring at him. 'What if he still was alive? Would it have made a difference?' Kirishima doesn't know where all of this talk is coming from. His usual bright happy personality has been shoved down to make place for serious talk and honestly, it confuses him.

Katsuki looks ahead again and shrugs. 'It might've. I'll never know, though.'

Kirishima doesn't know what to say anymore. Everything he wanted to say has already been said and he doesn't really feel like it made much of a difference. He sighs softly. He tried everything he could, but he's just not very good at this.

'Do you hate me?'

Kirishima looks up. Katsuki is still staring ahead. 'Of course not!' Kirishima interjects. 'Why not?' Katsuki retorts. Kirishima is taken aback by this question. He doesn't really have an answer to it. 'Why would I?' he answers in return. Katsuki huffs. 'I made someone kill themselves.'

Kirishima opens his mouth to argue – did Katsuki even listen to a single thing he just said! – but Katsuki cuts him off again. 'Even if you believe it wasn't my fault, I am part of the reason he jumped. If you won't even believe that, then you'll at least believe that I bullied him. Enough for him to make a note for me. Anybody would hate me for that.'

Kirishima thinks carefully about the words he speaks next, talking slowly, thinking every word over as he speaks them. 'I don't hate you. I think it's bad that you used to bully someone, but I don't hate you for it.' He looks over at Katsuki who isn't lifting his head. 'I'm sorry, I'm really bad at this,' Kirishima says, scratching his head. This finally makes Katsuki glance over again.

'You've been more help than my freaking shrink,' Katsuki mutters and this makes Kirishima inexplicably giggle a little, temporarily lifting the tension that was in the air. Kirishima stares ahead, listening to Katsuki's breathing as they both remain silent, having ran out of things to say to each other.

Katsuki feels somewhat tired. He lifts his head and looks at the alarm. 'You should head home,' he tells Kirishima as he crawls off the bed. 'It's getting late.'

'Ah, yeah,' Kirishima replies, following Katsuki downstairs. Kirishima doesn't know what to say when he's putting on his shoes at the front door. 'I wish I was able to be of better help,' he grins a bit awkwardly. Katsuki gives him a small smile in return. 'It's okay,' he replies. 'Thanks for listening to me.'

'Anytime.'

Kirishima turns around to leave, but stops short before closing the door behind him. 'Y'know, if anything's bothering you, you can message me, right?' he says. Katsuki nods. 'See you tomorrow.'

'See ya.'

With that, Kirishima leaves. Katsuki goes to retrieve the tea cups he left in his room and sits down for dinner, barely speaking a word. As he goes to bed he checks his phone, noticing that Kirishima has already sent him a message.

 _Hey, I just wanted to say that I'm always here for you if you need me – Ejiro._

Ejiro. His first name. Katsuki sighs. He was right about Kiri…Ejiro from the start: he was just as annoying and meddlesome as his former best friend. Maybe that's why Katsuki was able to stand being around him; it reminded him of Izuku.

Katsuki laid back down and quickly typed a message back.

 _Going to bed now, see ya tomorrow – Katsuki._

He rolled over, holding one of Izuku's old All Might plushies close to his chest. Ejiro was right in some sense. If Izuku had still been alive, nothing really would've changed, even if they were still on good terms. Katsuki would've gone to the U.A. hero course, Izuku would've gone somewhere else. Their paths would've been split no matter what would've happened. Still, Katsuki wondered, what if. If Katsuki had the chance, he would trade anything in the world to get Izuku back.

Everything, except Ejiro.


	10. Chapter 10

'Morning!' Ejiro says excitedly as he puts a hand on Katsuki's shoulder. Katsuki shakes him off. 'You said the same thing an hour ago through Line.' Ejiro scratches his head as he grins. 'I just like to wish people a good morning, that's all!'

Katsuki glares at him. Ejiro drops his hand back to his side. 'Not a morning person?' he teases. Katsuki growls. 'I'm gonna take that as a yes.'

Katsuki was usually a little more gruff in the morning – especially if those mornings hadn't gone very well like today – but today he was even more reluctant to go to school. Instead of normal classes they were going to be lectured about rescue operations and civilian interactions the entire day, having to participate in role-plays and think about hypothetical situations.

These two things were Katsuki's weakest points and he knew that if he wanted to progress he had to work on them, but still it wasn't in his nature to act all polite and calm when push came to shove.

Ejiro, seemingly reading Katsuki's thoughts, made a poor attempt at cheering him up. 'At least we're gonna be off early, right?' Ejiro grinned. Katsuki looked over at him and grinned as well, slightly surprising Ejiro. 'Guess that's the only good thing about today.'

'Hey, how about we go somewhere?' Ejiro proposes. Katsuki cocks his head. 'Like where?' Ejiro thinks for a moment. There are plenty of places he'd like to go, but he has no clue what interests Katsuki. 'How about an arcade?'

Katsuki smirks. 'You really are like a kid sometimes, y'know.' Ejiro stands still as Katsuki continues walking towards their class. 'What's that supposed to mean?' he asks, his grin falling. Katsuki just chuckles.

'Hey! What do you mean! Come on!' Ejiro says, jogging to catch up and bugging Katsuki to tell him. Katsuki shoves him away as Ejiro invades his personal space and growls about getting fed up with Ejiro's behavior, but he's smiling and enjoying their playful behavior before entering a boring class.

* * *

'That was really tough!' Ejiro exclaims as they walk out of class. Katsuki shoves his hands in his pocket as he looks back at him. 'How did I manage to score higher than you, are you stupid or something?'

Ejiro whines and pouts as he catches up to Katsuki who was waiting at the end of the hall for him. 'There's a reason I asked you to tutor me,' Ejiro replies.

'I can't teach you anything if I don't know it myself.'

'But you did better at the exercises than me!'

Katsuki smirks. 'That's called being intelligent.' Ejiro fakes a pout again which then turns into a grin.

'So, how about I take you up on that offer of this morning?' Katsuki raises an eyebrow at him. He doesn't remember any offers he made. 'Let's go somewhere!' Ejiro beams. 'That was your offer, not mine. And no thanks. I'd rather go home,' Katsuki replies. Ejiro's mood sinks. He was excited to be dismissed earlier and to go do something fun with his friend.

'Why not?' he asks. Katsuki shrugs. 'I'm not really feeling like it.' Ejiro looks Katsuki over. Nothing about his appearance seems to be out of the ordinary. Katsuki's behavior isn't much different from usual either and Ejiro made sure that Katsuki went to bed on time by checking his last check-in time on Line.

'Katsuki?' Ejiro asks. Katsuki looks up, his red eyes gleaming. 'Are you okay?' Katsuki clicks his tongue and turns away. He hated that question, because lately the answer has always been "no". Still, it isn't what Ejiro meant. Ejiro is asking if something is out of the ordinary, more than Katsuki usually feels, and to that, the answer also no.

'I'm fine,' he says, trying not to snap. After telling Ejiro everything, Ejiro's tried to be more careful with what he's saying, and it kind of pisses Katsuki off. He had confided in the person he regarded his new best friend because he thought Ejiro was the only person that would not take pity on him.

Katsuki was mistaken, but he couldn't be mad at him for that. Ejiro had a caring nature, just like somebody else he used to know, and Katsuki knew that there was more to Ejiro's feelings than just feeling sorry for him and thinking he was weak.

Ejiro was truly concerned with Katsuki's mental health and he showed it in his own way with little things like wake up messages, jokes and distracting conversations. Whenever Ejiro would ask if Katsuki was okay, it meant that he was noticing a difference in Katsuki's usual behavior and simply wanted to check up.

Ejiro hesitates. 'I'm serious, I'm fine,' Katsuki emphasizes.

'You can talk to me, you know that right?' Ejiro adds in anyways. Katsuki tries very hard not to grit his teeth. 'Yeah, you've only told me a thousand times by now.' Katsuki looks over his shoulder and sees Ejiro's expression, immediately regretting his words.

'Look, if anything is wrong, I'll come to you. I promised that, didn't I? I'm a man of my word after all.' Those words make Ejiro feel a little more at ease. Katsuki did strike him as someone to stick to their promises, so when he said he was fine, Ejiro had to rely on that.

As they rounded the corner Katsuki could hear the all too familiar loud booming voice of one of their teachers. The voice was unmistakably All Might's and it seemed to come from the teacher's lounge. As they passed it Katsuki felt drawn to it. For so long he had seen All Might as his idol, and in some ways he still was, but Katsuki has had trouble looking his teacher in the eye after what had happened to Izuku; after all he was Izuku's idol too.

Somewhere in the back of his head Katsuki had been thinking about talking to All Might. Especially after becoming their teacher Katsuki had started to see him more as a normal person rather than an idol, and seeing how very often others got advice from him, he had hoped to gain some himself.

'Katsuki?'

Katsuki looked at Ejiro who was standing next to him in front of the door leading to the teacher's lounge. 'What are you staring at?'

Katsuki looked back at the door. He was about to reach out and knock as the door was shoved open, startling both of the students and making them take two steps back, facing someone they've never seen before. The guy with short blonde hair and a muscular stature looked both of them over.

'Are you two alright?' the guy asked. He was dressed in a school uniform as well, but neither of the two had ever seen him before, so he either must be in a different course or a grade above them. Behind him a big shadow appeared, announcing All Might's presence.

'Young Bakugou, young Kirishima, I see you've met Mirio! He's a student from the third year, you'll get to meet him properly soon enough!' Both of the boys blinked a couple of times. 'Excuse me, I have to go now,' the guy called Mirio apologized and stepped past Katsuki as he stalked down the hall.

'Is something troubling you, Young Bakugou?' All Might asked. Katsuki looked up at the big man. He must be at least twice as tall as Katsuki, or at least that's how much taller he seemed. 'I… I wanted to talk to you,' Katsuki says, trying to keep his face composed. 'Does this concern Young Kirishima as well?'

Katsuki shakes his head. He looks over at Ejiro. 'I'll be a while.' Ejiro nods. 'I'll wait outside.' Katsuki doesn't even have time to protest, to tell him to go home or to go to the arcade by himself, before Ejiro has already left.

All Might guides Katsuki into the lounge. All Might sits down at his chair as Katsuki leans against the desk All Might has occupied. 'Tea?' All Might offers but Katsuki shakes his head. 'Now what seems to be troubling you?'

Katsuki shoves his hands in his pockets. All Might was practically a stranger to him, no more than a teacher he only occasionally saw. 'I'd like to know how you feel when you can't save someone.'

Katsuki cuts straight to the point. There's no use beating around the bush, he wants answers, nothing more. All Might frowns. 'Why is that concerning you?'

Katsuki looks down. He feels very conflicted about telling this. All Might barely knows him, how could he possibly be of help with Katsuki's mental struggles. Katsuki's eyes flicker over across the desk, trying to assess what kind of person All Might is on a normal daily basis. Something at the corner of the desk catches his attention. He reaches out and picks it up.

'Ah, that is a letter sent to me by a fan,' All Might says, feeling a tad awkward; usually nobody touches his belongings without asking. Katsuki quickly eyes over the content.

 _Dear All Might,_

 _First of all I'd like to thank you for making my world so much brighter_

Katsuki stops after the first sentence. The handwriting is all too familiar to him. He looks up at All Might who is frowning.

'Who is this letter from?' Katsuki asks. 'It was given to me by a fan. It happens all the time,' he replies but Katsuki shakes his head. 'Did you even read this?' he says, starting to feel a bit angry. 'Of course, I read all my fan mail!'

Now it's Katsuki's turn to frown. 'Then why are you keeping a suicide note on your desk?'


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm just gonna be brutally honest and say that I hate this chapter. I tried my best to write something.. worthy, for you guys to read, but this is all I could come up with. So, I'm going to apologize in advance and promise that it'll be better next week. Hopefully you'll still enjoy it.**

* * *

When Katsuki looked back up, the huge muscled body of All Might had disappeared and had been replaced by someone that seemed the complete opposite of that, drowning in the yellow suit he was wearing, eyes hollow and weak. Katsuki's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he decided not to question it now, more pressing matters at the back of his mind.

'Why do you know that that is a suicide note?' Toshinori asked as he reached out to take the letter from Katsuki's hands. He turned away, his eyes scanning the rest of the content.

'I recognize the handwriting,' he mutters, eyes cast at the paper. 'And the name.' The letter was signed with Izuku Midoriya. It was unmistakably his.

'Did you know this person?' Toshinori asks. Katsuki nods. 'He was my best friend.' All Might gulps. It was months ago since he had received this letter. It was tucked in with the rest of his fan mail, almost indistinguishable from the normal letters he received daily, but for some reason it had stood out to him.

There had been only one civilian Toshinori had ever shared his secret with, a boy so intoxicated by the idea of becoming a hero, so fascinated by meeting his idol face to face, that he had clung on to Toshinori's leg for dear life to try to ask more about his life as All Might.

Having reached his time limit, All Might's form had disappeared and changed into Toshinori, shocking the boy into oblivion, but still he stood his ground. The boy was wearing a black gakuran, not very uncommon for many middle school students in this prefect, his hair a bush of green curls and a nervous smile on his lips.

 _Can somebody without a Quirk become a hero?_

That's what the boy had asked him. He had looked back at the boy, shaking with anxiety, but also a determination that he couldn't place. He had said no.

The boy had looked defeated; being told by his biggest inspiration that he could not become a hero must've crushed his heart. Toshinori had left the boy standing on that rooftop.

After trudging through the city in his weaker form for a while, he had heard a commotion down one of the alleyways and had gone to check on them, seeing a blonde middle school boy being caught up in the sludge of the villain he had captured, before losing him mid-flight while trying not to let the green-haired boy fall to his death. He had reached his time limit way before, so he was unable to act on it.

Toshinori had thought the situation was hopeless, until he saw someone rushing forward. Yellow bag across his shoulders, red sneakers under his black gakuran. Even though the boy had been told minutes prior that he could not be a hero, he had done what no Pro had tried, and rushed to the scene to save his friend.

'You were the young boy caught in the sludge accident,' Toshinori says, sudden realization dawning in on him. Katsuki nods. Toshinori could beat himself over the head for not realizing that before today.

'Why?' Katsuki asked. Toshinori looked up. 'Why what?' he asked in surprise. 'Why would he send you this letter? Why does he blame you?'

Toshinori looked away. He hadn't told anyone about the encounter, thought that this one incident wouldn't matter this much, but in fact it had been eating away at him ever since. That heartbroken stinging feeling in his chest that he felt ever since reading that letter… it had never gone away.

 _Dear All Might,_

 _First of all I'd like to thank you for making my world so much brighter_  
 _Since the first time I saw you, I adored you  
You were my biggest inspiration, my beacon of hope when I felt down  
Even though everybody always told me I could never be a hero, I believed I could  
Because of you  
But after you talked to me, I realized I could never be a hero  
If you didn't believe in me, then who was I to try to prove you wrong?  
Because of that I'd like to thank you  
Thank you for making me realize that this life isn't meant for me  
You have always been my hero, and always will  
But after today, I'll no longer be there for you  
Maybe in my next life, I will have a Quirk, and I can become a hero  
Until then_

 _Izuku Midoriya_

Even though not said in those words, Toshinori had known that this was a suicide note, and knew exactly who it was from. Only once in his entire life had he told somebody they couldn't become a hero, and he regretted it immensely.

'I told him he couldn't be a hero,' Toshinori admits. Katsuki looks up, expression oddly mellow for the situation. 'Why would you tell someone that?' Katsuki asks in disbelief. 'If you have ever met him, you would _know_ how much that meant to him!'

Toshinori looks down, guilt washing over him. He did know how much that meant to the boy, Midoriya, it was easy to see in his eyes. 'I..,' Toshinori starts. 'I wanted to tell him he could be a hero. After that sludge incident.' Katsuki is staring at him, nostrils flared. What kind of idiot idol would tell his fans that they _couldn't_ become something!?

'I wanted to..' Toshinori thinks about his words for a moment, sighs, and then decides it's no use anyways to keep this hidden. 'I wanted to give him a second chance.'

Katsuki balls his hands up to stop them from exploding. 'What the fuck does that mean?'

'My Quirk is transferrable. My power is dwindling quickly, hence why I have this form, and I needed a successor. I didn't think Midoriya was strong enough to withstand it, so I told him he wasn't fit to become a hero, but after seeing how he reacted towards you and that sludge villain, I deemed him worthy enough.'

Katsuki grits his teeth. 'But then it was already too late.' Toshinori looks at his hands. 'I didn't think my words would have such an impact on him.'

'You're his fucking favorite idol in the entire fucking world and you think it _wouldn't have such an impact on him_!? You just told me that you _knew_ how much it meant to him! If you had told him earlier he would've been alive!'

'Please calm down,' Toshinori says. 'You must understand that I feel awful about all of this.'

'Oh yeah, of course _you_ feel fucking awful. I was his best friend for _years_ and I lost him because of a mistake _you_ made!' Katsuki knew that wasn't true, but his anger was overtaking him. He had been carrying all the blame for the past freaking year and now he discovered something like this? It filled him with an inexplicable despair.

Toshinori did in fact feel terrible about the fact one of his fans had committed suicide because of something he had said. It's the reason he kept the letter on his desk, as a reminder of the past. Those who do not learn from their mistakes, are doomed to repeat them.

Truth is, on that rooftop, he had seen such determination that it had scared him. It is why he had said no. It filled him with regret thinking about it, knowing that such a great treasure of their generation had been lost.

Toshinori got to his feet, and then bowed down, startling Katsuki. 'There is nothing I can say to express my condolences and regret for this situation, but I hope you can understand that I share your pain.'

Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, whatever.'

Toshinori stood back up as Katsuki handed the letter back to him. He would never be able to experience the same pain as Katsuki, and it annoyed Katsuki that he had tried to make it sound that he did.

Too agitated to talk about this further for now, Katsuki turned around and started to walk away. Before closing the door behind him, he looked back. 'You once said that you always save those within reach. He was within reach, and you didn't save him. I'll never forget that.'

As Katsuki slammed the door shut, Toshinori was left with a stone in his gut and a lifetime supply of guilt and regret.

* * *

'Hey, Katsuki!' Ejiro beamed as Katsuki left the school building. 'That took quite a while,' he chuckles. Katsuki glares at him, and then, having the decency to not unnecessarily divert his anger, he stared ahead again.

'Katsuki?' Ejiro asks, worry filling his voice. He slowly reaches out, but one glance at his friend told him that touching was a dangerous territory. 'Everything okay? What did you talk about with him?'

Katsuki's strides are becoming larger and Ejiro practically has to jog to keep up. 'Katsuki?' Panic flares in Ejiro's chest.

'Katsuki, talk to me,' he demands, lurching out for Katsuki's wrist even though he can see his tensed up shoulders. When turning him around, he can see that Katsuki is biting down on his lip and his eyes are misty as he frowns. His hands are trembling as they produce tiny sparks, a sign that Katsuki has become so angry he can't even control his Quirk anymore.

'Katsuki, what the hell did you two talk about in there?' Katsuki shakes his head. He doesn't want to talk about it. Not now. Maybe not ever. He's too overwhelmed at the moment. Ejiro notices a vein on the side of Katsuki's head that's pulsing and decides to let go of his friend's wrist for self-preservation.

In the spur of the moment, Katsuki lurches forward, his arms around Ejiro's body, gripping into his uniform. He nuzzles his head into Ejiro's shoulder as he awkwardly wraps his arms around Katsuki as well.

It doesn't take long before Ejiro can feel Katsuki shaking underneath his grip, but he doesn't make a sound. Ejiro tightens his grip a little, rubbing Katsuki's back soothingly as he lets his friend have this moment.

After a moment Katsuki pulls back, wiping away the tears with such force that to Ejiro it looks like he wants to erase every trace of them ever having existed. Katsuki starts walking. It takes a moment for Ejiro's brain to kick in gear and follow.

'Are you okay?' he dares to ask. Katsuki looks at him, brow furrowed, but his eyes are still red and puffy, so they don't carry the same rough expression as before. 'No. I'm not.'

'Do you want to talk about it?' Ejiro expects a "no", but instead, Katsuki nods.

'Go to your place?' Ejiro asks. Katsuki nods again.

They turn the corner towards the train station. They remain silent for the rest of the trip. Even though Ejiro feels the urge to talk already, he knows that Katsuki needs to wait. So he'll wait, as long as he needs, until Katsuki feels comfortable enough to tell him.


	12. Chapter 12

'That's pretty tough.' Ejiro is sitting on the floor of Katsuki's room, his back against the bed that Katsuki is lying on. The blonde has just finished explaining the entire situation revolving All Might and Izuku. He still can't really wrap his mind around it, but he can't go back to discuss it today anymore anyways.

Ejiro reaches out to pick up one of the All Might plushies that was lying around. 'So all of these were from your friend?' Katsuki hums while staring up at the ceiling. Most of the All Might merchandise lying around his room used to be Izuku's. Some of it were his.

He turns over to his side, his gaze fixated on the back of Ejiro's head. 'You think I should apologize?' he asks. Ejiro glances over his shoulder at Katsuki, raising an eyebrow at him. Katsuki rolls his eyes and looks away. Of course he'd get a response like that. 'I lashed out at him. I didn't tell him that it was my fault too.'

'It wasn't anyone's fault,' Ejiro adds. Katsuki grits his teeth. 'Yeah. I know. I just… he would probably feel just as shitty as I am now. Well, less. He didn't know him for fourteen fucking years.' Ejiro scoots over to face Katsuki, who simply raises an amused eyebrow at him. 'What are you going to tell him?'

Katsuki shrugs. 'Maybe about our past. That I used to bully him and stuff. I don't need him to understand me, or to see it as taking the other half of the blame. I just want him to understand that we both feel bad about it and… maybe he can help me.'

Ejiro has to try very hard not to smile. It's a weird reaction to such a heavy topic, but he simply can't help it. Bakugou Katsuki, the boy who separated himself from all of his classmates and refused to take any help until Ejiro kept pushing, is now actually admitting that he would like some guidance. Even to someone that has known Katsuki for this short amount of time, he could tell that it was huge.

'What the fuck are you grinning at!' Katsuki snarls, throwing one of the pillows into Ejiro's face, making the red-head topple over. Ejiro chuckles as he gets up again. 'Sorry, sorry,' he apologizes. Katsuki huffs and looks away.

Ejiro looks around the room since Katsuki is no longer paying attention to him anyways. Most of the walls were lined with All Might posters. Almost all of the shelves were covered in all kinds of All Might figurines and other memorabilia, and Katsuki's bed was strewn with plushies and pillows of the #1 Hero. Ejiro wonders if there was even anything left in this room that was truly Katsuki's; something that wouldn't remind him of Izuku.

He supposes the death of his childhood friend had made more of an impact on the blonde than he would let on. It makes Ejiro feel a little uneasy. At this point, it couldn't be called grieving anymore, more like an unhealthy obsession.

Ejiro opens his mouth to say something about it, when Katsuki speaks up first. 'It's starting to get late. You'd better go home.' Ejiro snaps his mouth shut and simply nods in agreement. 'Yeah. Early day tomorrow again, right?' he says, grinning, looking at Katsuki. But Katsuki isn't looking at him.

He swings his legs over the edge of the bed to guide Ejiro outside as usual. Right before Katsuki closes the door, Ejiro turns around. 'Can I ask you something?' Katsuki raises an eyebrow at him, his crimson eyes staring at Ejiro in question.

'Will you ever get over him?'

Katsuki doesn't know how to respond. He feels like something has stabbed him in the heart, the head and his stomach, all at the same time. What kind of question is that to even ask? If he'll ever get over the death of his former best friend? What a fucking joke.

'It's just… you seem so hung up on him, and I'm just afraid that you'll get stuck in the past so… I'm just worried and-'

'There's nothing to worry about.' Katsuki is nearly growling. His gaze is aimed at the ground and his hands are balled into fists. 'Katsuki,' Ejiro says, reaching out. Katsuki swats him away. 'I didn't meant to-'

'Just get lost,' Katsuki says, slamming the door in his face. He turns around on his heels, storming off to his room again. 'Katsuki? What's wrong?' his mom asks. 'Nothing!' he shouts back, when in fact, he felt miserable.

It isn't so much that Katsuki was offended by the question, he just really didn't know. It had been over a year since Izuku had leapt off that roof, and Katsuki felt like he was making progress, but at the same time he felt stuck. He tried so hard to get over him, to get back to his old self, but it was something he'd never truly achieve, much less if he forced himself to.

Katsuki just felt like every time he made a little progress, something would come along the way to push him back. He found the strength to go help Inko go through Izuku's stuff, and then relapsed by nostalgia. He finally was able to talk to Ejiro about what had happened, and then gets punched in the gut by his former idol. It was a cruel game that life played with him.

As Katsuki laid back down in his bed, pulling the covers closer around him, he couldn't escape the feeling of guilt eating away at him. Not guilt for Izuku's suicide, nor for leaving All Might to blame himself, no.

Katsuki regretted immensely that he had turned away his only friend yet again.

* * *

The day at U.A. started slow. Ejiro had come to greet Katsuki as usual, and it made the blonde feel a little better that the red-head wasn't taking his behavior from the previous day personal. Still, Katsuki wanted to talk to All Might about yesterday, and it was agonizingly long until lunch break arrived.

Katsuki swore that if he would get _one_ more question on English Literature today, he would burst. Even though every single one of his study materials was simply tiring him out and annoying him, Katsuki's body went into immediate stress mode as soon as the lunch bell rang.

His shoulders tensed up and a knot formed in his stomach. Everything in his brain told him to turn around and simply eat lunch at the cafeteria like everyone else and just avoid the confrontation altogether. So much for fucking bravery.

Knowing that that wasn't the best course of action, Katsuki forced himself down the path towards the teachers' lounge, the agitating feeling in his stomach only growing worse with every step closer he got. After knocking politely he was told to come in. Instead of seeing the person he came looking for, he was met with his homeroom teacher, Aizawa.

Katsuki looked around warily, not seeing any sign of All Might's presence. 'Looking for someone?' Aizawa asked. 'I was hoping to find All Might,' Katsuki begrudgingly admitted. 'He called in sick this morning.' Katsuki looked at him, probably a dumbstruck look etched on his face. 'Why?' Aizawa asked, seemingly uninterested.

'I.. I wanted to ask him something.'

'And you can't ask me?'

Katsuki looked up at Aizawa. Even though the guy usually seemed pretty uninterested, Katsuki could tell that if he needed to he could go to him. But Aizawa wasn't the person he had to apologize to. Katsuki grit his teeth. Of all days to get sick.

'No.'

Katsuki turns to leave. He has no business here without All Might being present. 'I feel like I should let you know that he has said he won't be back for a while.' Katsuki stops in his track, his body going rigid.

'How long?' Katsuki asks through gritted teeth, refusing to look back. 'At least three months.' Katsuki balls his hands into fists, trying to contain his frustration. 'Thanks,' he pushes past his lips as he makes his way out of the office.

As he winds through the halls, he tries to keep his breathing steady. His hands are shaking and he feels like he's going to vomit. When reaching an abandoned part of the building, he slumps down against the wall, his face in his hands.

He has to remind himself over and over again that All Might has simply called in sick. No wonder, after seeing that broken down form he was shown yesterday; All Might was in terrible shape. But to leave for _three months_. Katsuki felt like there was more behind it.

He tried so hard to convince himself that All Might hadn't left because of him. He had confronted him, and after that, his teacher had disappeared. It couldn't be a coincidence right? It had to be a coincidence. There was just one thing that Katsuki couldn't place. If he was so convinced that it wasn't his fault, then why did he feel so bad?

* * *

After talking to Aizawa and gathering his thoughts, Katsuki had returned to class. The rest of the day had gone by even slower than the first half and it was agonizing. During the entirety of the rest of classes, Katsuki was unable to focus. The words on the board were swimming in front of his eyes and his brain felt like a junk drawer stuffed too full.

As soon as the end of class bell had rung, Katsuki got to his feet and made his way out, Ejiro hot on his trail. Katsuki had promised Ejiro an extra study class today, so instead of making his way home like he wanted to, he took a right towards the café they always went to.

Katsuki stared out the window, thoughtlessly poking into the piece of cheesecake Ejiro had ordered him. A hand waving in front of his eyes finally catches his attention. 'You there? I asked if you could explain the grammar here,' Ejiro states.

Katsuki rubs his eyes before attempting to read the paragraph they were supposed to analyze. 'It's a past present… uh.. present tense sentence.' Ejiro cocks his head at him. 'Are you okay?' Katsuki rubs his eyes again. 'Can't fucking focus.'

'Maybe we should call it a day.' Katsuki looks up at him as Ejiro shoves the last piece of his cake into his mouth. 'You sure? You understand all of that?' Katsuki asks, not really believing it. Ejiro grins sheepishly. 'It's fine, I'll manage.'

'If you say so.' Katsuki gets out of the booth, not really feeling up to it to argue against leaving Ejiro behind when he obviously needed tutoring, and reaches for his wallet to pay for the food.

'No need to pay.' He looks at Ejiro questioningly. 'You didn't even eat anything.' Katsuki looks down at his assaulted cheesecake. The thing has died from at least three dozen stab wounds and is lying tattered across the plate.

'I wasn't that hungry,' he explains. 'No worries, I'll take it,' Ejiro says, reaching out for the plate and already starts digging in before Katsuki can even say anything about it.

'Go home and rest,' Ejiro tells him, mouth already stuffed with cheesecake again. 'You look tired.'

Katsuki feels tired. He feels _exhausted._ He nods, incapable of thinking of a better response. 'See ya tomorrow,' he says as he slings his bag over his shoulder. Ejiro nods. 'See ya.'

As Katsuki walks out of the café, he can feel his eyes drooping. He's glad the way back home isn't too long. When he gets there he drops his bag and shoes at the entrance, dragging his feet as he makes his way to his room. His mom pokes her head out from the living room.

'Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes,' she says. Katsuki looks at her. 'I'm not hungry,' he simply replies before continuing to go to his room. He still has quite some homework to do, but he's simply too exhausted to do anything.

Without even bothering to change his clothes, he drops onto his bed, his eyes immediately falling shut and drifting off into sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Ejiro stared at the empty seat in front of him. It was the third day in a row that Katsuki hadn't shown and it was starting to worry him. He had sent countless texts through LINE, but all of them were left at "read". At least it meant Katsuki was reading them, but why he was ignoring Ejiro… it was beyond him.

The door to the class slid open, revealing a very tired looking Aizawa. Everything seemed normal, except that their classmate was missing.

More people were glancing over at Katsuki's empty spot, murmuring to each other and casting pitiful glances at Ejiro. It didn't bother him at all that they were feeling sorry for him; it just meant that they knew how much Katsuki meant to him, and that was satisfying, in some weird way.

Aizawa looked around the class, his eyes falling on Katsuki's empty spot as well. 'Bakugou absent again?' he said, glancing over at Ejiro. Ejiro lowered his head. 'Yes, sir.'

'Have you heard anything from him yet?' His head sunk even lower. 'No, sir.'

Aizawa hummed to himself, probably mentally noting something down to contact his parents later today to inquire about the circumstances of Katsuki's absence.

After that, class went on as usual, but Ejiro couldn't focus. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, carefully keeping it under the table as not to get noticed by his teacher.

 _Are you okay? Please reply to me, the entire class is worried about you – Ejiro_

He hit send. He put his phone away and tried to focus on class again, but his eyes kept being drawn to that empty desk. Ejiro had easily noticed that Katsuki had been distraught the day after talking to All Might about his and Izuku's past, but he didn't understand why it had affected him that much until the next day.

Upon entering the training grounds, ready to get a lesson taught by All Might, they were met with the familiar face of Cementos and Ectoplasm instead. They were told that All Might had taken an absence of leave for urgent business and wouldn't come back soon. It wasn't very hard for Ejiro to put the pieces together and realize that Katsuki was taking it personally.

He had tried to talk to him about it, but the blonde had just shrugged him off and kept looping around to more normal topics, if he wanted to talk at all.

Katsuki's unusual behavior hadn't gone unnoticed to anyone. At lunch he would always have leftovers, mostly picking at his food rather than eating it. Iida had confronted Katsuki about it, pointing out that a hero needed proper malnourishment in order to save people, but Katsuki had just glared at him and then proceeded to stab his omurice again. Everyone at the table had looked at Katsuki, raising eyebrows, realizing that this wasn't the usual aggressive behavior they had come to know of him.

During class, he was quiet. He wouldn't make an effort to answer any question unless asked, and even then he would barely know the right answer. Ejiro couldn't understand it; Katsuki was a good student, one of the top of their class, helping Ejiro with his homework because he knew that Katsuki was smarter than him, and now he was slacking so much to the point where his grades were faltering.

Katsuki's change in behavior became the most apparent during physical training, though. They had to spar in order to discover each other's weaknesses and strong points, to exploit those and put them to their advantage in battle, and to learn where they still had to work on and grow.

Katsuki didn't lose. Of course he didn't, Katsuki was the type of person that never lost anything. But when paired with Kaminari, Katsuki had only done the bare minimum amount of effort required to take the guy down.

After the exercise his eyes were hollow and sunken, as if extremely exhausted from just a minimal Quirk output. To Ejiro, Katsuki had become a dead man walking.

It only took Katsuki a couple of days before he had started to run late to classes, and only two weeks before he had stopped coming to school altogether. It made Ejiro feel sad.

He took out his phone again to see if Katsuki had replied already, but his message hadn't even been read. Ejiro didn't know if Katsuki was simply not looking at his phone, or if he was now ignoring Ejiro altogether.

His fingers glided across the screen as he typed another text, unable to hold himself back from double texting. Hell, if needed, Ejiro would quintuple text. If that's what it took for Katsuki to reply to him, he would text a thousand times in a row, not caring whether he was annoying or not. All he wanted was an answer…

Class simply seemed to drag on, and the more texts he was sending being left unnoticed, the more worried he was starting to get. Whatever phase Katsuki was going through, it was unhealthy and, moreover, bad for his studies and thus his future.

Ejiro decided that if Katsuki hadn't responded by tomorrow, he would go visit, whether the blonde liked it or not.

* * *

'Katsuki.' Katsuki opened one eye to look at his mom. 'You have to get up.' He growled. She frowned at him, but didn't say much more. She simply turned away, pushing the curtains open as the sunlight flooded in, blinding Katsuki and waking him up completely.

'You're already late, so I'll let you stay home for today, but you have to get back at some point.' Katsuki pushed himself upright and rubbed the dirt out of his eyes. 'I don't want to.' His mom looked back at him, eyes a mix of pity and concern as well as guilt. Katsuki looked away; he didn't want to make anyone pity him. He didn't deserve it.

'I know things have been hard on you..' Katsuki rolled his eyes and huffed, instantly regretting it; doing such useless things cost him way too much energy. 'But you've always wanted to go to that school, and now you're missing out.'

Katsuki looked away, his head hanging low. 'I know that,' he mutters back. 'I just can't.' Mitsuki turned around to leave. 'I made breakfast for you, it's on the table.' He glanced up at her before she left.

Pushing himself to his feet cost him extreme amounts of effort. His feet dragged across the floor as he made his way down. As he entered the kitchen he turned to look at the clock and noticed that it was already 1pm.

On the dinner table there was a bowl with miso soup; a typical meal for people who felt sick. Katsuki wasn't really sick, he simply felt miserable. Still, he was glad she made it.

He picked it up and dropped down onto the couch as he flipped through the channels, putting on some anime he had never heard of, not really interested to notice at what was going on. The soup was already lukewarm, which was nice because this way he couldn't burn his mouth.

Even though he was sure it tasted fine, to him it tasted bland. Still, he forced himself to eat even if he wasn't hungry, knowing that he'd perish for sure if he kept up his attitude of listening to his body rather than his brain.

He reached out to his phone that was still lying on the coffee table. As he opened it he already knew what to expect: 27 new messages. All of them came from Ejiro.

Katsuki liked that his friend was worried about him, and he really wanted to reply and let him know that he was okay - cause he was. Katsuki was okay. He was just struggling. Nothing he couldn't handle in the end – but it just took him so much effort to read through all the texts, and he couldn't come up with a good reply, so he always just left it on read.

The messages had been accumulating since yesterday morning. Katsuki had only taken the effort to drag himself out of bed to wash up and then went back to sleeping; the amount of sleep he had just never seemed to be enough after all.

After finishing the soup and putting the bowl back down, he crashed and lied down on the couch, staring blankly at the TV as he tried to stay awake. He knew he was ruining his sleeping schedule like this, but he simply couldn't fight the exhaustion, and it didn't take long before he drifted off again.

* * *

Ejiro was nervous as he stood in front of Katsuki's house. Katsuki had left him on read yet again, and he just really didn't know what to do. Should he have called beforehand to ask if it was okay to come over? Call his parents to ask if anything was wrong? Ejiro just didn't know.

With hand slightly trembling, he reached out and pressed the doorbell. He stood there, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach making him feel sick, as he waited for the door to open. He waited. And waited. And waited.

He was about to ring the bell again when he heard something shuffling behind it and the door opening. As Katsuki noticed who was standing in front of him, he narrowed his eyes.

Ejiro couldn't believe that it was Katsuki standing in front of him. His eyes seemed to lack all signs of life and ferocity they used to have. The blonde hair sticking out of Katsuki's head was even messier than it usually was, sticking out in places it shouldn't be. His clothes all seemed crumpled and like they hadn't been changed in days. 'Katsuki,' he muttered.

'What do you want?' Katsuki snarled. Ejiro wasn't fazed by it. 'You didn't respond to any of my messages.' Katsuki looked away, his cheeks turning slightly red. He had wanted to reply, he really did.

'Sorry.'

The knot in Ejiro's tight tightened. Katsuki never apologized for anything. 'Are you okay?' Katsuki raised his hand and scratched the back of his head, gaze fixated on the ground. 'I'm not sure.'

Katsuki turned on his heel, going back into the comfort of his own home, leaving Ejiro at the doorstep. Katsuki had left the door open, so Ejiro assumed it was okay to follow. He softly closed the door behind him.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Ejiro tried as he followed Katsuki into the living room where he was pouring himself a glass of water. Katsuki just shook his head. Ejiro couldn't help him if he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him, even though he really wanted to.

He eyed up Katsuki from head to toe. His entire form seemed lifeless and empty. Almost as if he had given up. It sent chills down Ejiro's spine.

'Maybe you should talk to someone else. Someone more qualified.' Katsuki shot him the nastiest glare he could muster with what little energy he had left. 'I'm not going to a fucking shrink.' His mum had already tried to convince him to go back multiple times, but he wasn't feeling up for it. Besides, that damn woman hadn't helped him with anything, anyways. Why would she be of help now?

Ejiro brought his hand to his chin as he thought for a moment. 'Then how about someone that's not a shrink?'

Katsuki raised an eyebrow at him as he downed the glass of water. 'What the fuck are you talking about.'

Ejiro gently reached out and took Katsuki's wrist as he guided him away from the kitchen. 'Just trust me.'

* * *

Katsuki sighed with nearly every step he took. It had taken Ejiro great amounts of effort to coax him into some actual clothes and get his hair combed out – as far as that was useful – and to get him to go outside.

Katsuki had complained about it with every step they took, yet he didn't turn around and go back home. To Ejiro, that was a good sign.

When they rounded a corner again, Katsuki halted. It took Ejiro a while before noticing that his entourage wasn't following him anymore, and went back as he saw Katsuki's pale face. Katsuki could see the place clearly, the cemetery where Izuku laid. He didn't know what to expect when Ejiro had taken him outside, but certainly not this.

'How did you..' Katsuki started. 'I called your mom when you were dressing up. I thought it might be good for you to talk to him.' Katsuki grit his teeth. 'How can I talk to him, he's fucking dead.'

'Just, trust me.' Katsuki glanced up and saw the sincerity in Ejiro's eyes. Ejiro reached out and took his hand, guiding them gently towards the cemetery.

They had to weave through a couple of rows before making it to Izuku's stone. Ejiro placed Katsuki there, staring at the name carved into the grey stone slab before him. He took a couple of steps back as he watched.

Katsuki stared. He didn't know what Ejiro expected him to do. To have an outburst? To talk his feelings out? Katsuki wasn't the type for that. Growing tired, he sat down, crossing his legs, as he continued staring at the final resting place of his childhood friend.

He reached out, touching the cold stone. He remembered when he came here to scream at him for hiding his depression. Katsuki smirked. Guess he was in the same boat now.

'You're an idiot, you know,' Katsuki said, softly. 'Giving your biggest idol a suicide note.' Katsuki chuckled again as he arched his back. 'Well, I was your biggest idol too, and you gave me one as well. Guess it's just how you are.'

Katsuki leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. 'How did you deal with all of this?' It was a stupid question. Izuku had committed suicide, that's how he dealt with it. It wasn't on Katsuki's to do list, though.

'I've seen the notes in your stupid notebooks. You've been like that for ages, and yet you didn't tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone either, but they somehow noticed. I suppose I have better friends than you did…' Realization sinks in for Katsuki. 'I suppose Ejiro is a better friend to me, than I was to you.'

He whips his head back and takes a deep breath. 'Honestly, I have so much shit about you that I could sit here for hours, and that's just our childhood!' He looked at the stone as if it would talk back, but of course it wouldn't.

Yet, Katsuki could imagine in his mind the conversation they'd have. About Izuku pouting, fake pouting, getting angry and crying. With Katsuki screaming, and laughing. As if they were together again. As if never separated.

Ejiro stood a couple of feet away, looking at Katsuki that was arguing more to himself than to anyone else, and somehow, it was therapeutic.

Doing this had been a shot in the dark, and Ejiro was afraid he had screwed up by the way Katsuki's face had gone pale upon seeing the place, but he was glad he took him there anyway. Seeing Katsuki talk like that, getting his feelings off his chest, it made Ejiro feel a little relieved too.

Even though this was nowhere by far a solution to Katsuki's new problem, it was a start, and that was all they needed.


	14. Chapter 14

Katsuki's eyes were heavy as he put his school shoes on. His school bag was already hanging off his shoulder, his uniform on for the first time in days.

Ejiro looked at Katsuki as the blond made his way towards the front door. 'I'm off!' Katsuki yelled before going out onto the street.

Katsuki was beyond tired. He would rather turn right back around and go back to bed for at least another five hours before wasting away the rest of his day doing nothing, but he had promised Ejiro to at least try to go to school this week again.

He had missed most of last week and it bothered him, but not enough to actually put effort into going back; it was just too tiresome.

After their trip to the cemetery Ejiro had offered to pick Katsuki up every morning so he would have a reason to get up. The blond had refused at first, but Ejiro had insisted until Katsuki just couldn't say no anymore; it cost too much energy that he didn't have. Having someone show up at his door to pull him out of bed did, in fact, help.

It was very hard for Katsuki to refuse anything Ejiro asked him to do, even though it usually took the redhead multiple tries to get his way, since Katsuki was too stubborn to accept any help whatsoever. Ejiro's perseverance was a great point of irritation to Katsuki, but he also had to admit that without it, he wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

'Did you catch up with your homework?' Ejiro asks. Katsuki glances up. He hadn't done anything since their trip last Thursday except for lying in bed, watching movies he wasn't interested in.

At one point on Saturday he had sat himself behind his desk, intent on catching up on the missed assignments, but his mind was a mess as the words on the pages were swimming in front of his eyes. It only took five minutes before he had to give up and lie back in bed to rest.

Katsuki shakes his head. 'I couldn't.'

Ejiro looks over at Katsuki, but Katsuki is looking ahead. 'You want me to help you catch up after school?' Ejiro offers. Katsuki's gaze flickers to the pavement and then back ahead, not saying a word. 'We can do it at your place.'

Katsuki shrugs. 'Probably won't help much.' Ejiro smiles and puts his hand on Katsuki's shoulder, which earns him a soft glare. 'We won't know until we try, right?' Katsuki shrugs Ejiro's hand off and turns away, but Ejiro could swear he saw the corners of Katsuki's mouth tug up a little.

After that Ejiro leads most of the conversation, reciting things they've learned last week that Katsuki ought to know, before reaching the school and getting ready for class.

* * *

Katsuki bares his teeth in irritation as another one of his blasts doesn't seem to reach full force and knock Ejiro back like he intended to. When he lands back down on the ground, sweat is dripping down his face and he's panting heavily. He can't have gotten in such a bad shape after just a week of slacking exercise, right? Still, there's no denying that Katsuki can't win this battle.

Ejiro looks at him from afar, eyebrows knitted together. He can see that Katsuki is struggling and he wants to go over and reach out, but he isn't sure if it's the right thing to do. He has to thread so carefully around the blond… it's aggravating.

'You should stop training for today,' Aizawa's voice reaches Katsuki. Katsuki glares up, his face scrunched up in pain, his chest stinging as he's gasping for breath.

'I'm fine,' Katsuki gnarls, but his voice carries no power.

'Let me rephrase that,' Aizawa says. 'You are stopping for today.'

Katsuki stands up straight, ready to challenge his teacher – he isn't even close to being done yet, why should he stop now! – when a burning feeling emerges in his throat, making him double over and throw up all over the training ground.

Ejiro releases his Quirk and sprints over to where Katsuki is standing, still heaving as the vomit dribbles out of his mouth. Ejiro puts his hand on Katsuki's back, rubbing it softly. He can feel Katsuki's back rise and fall with every breath.

Aizawa looks down, unamused at the whole sight in front of him. 'I hope this is clear enough for you,' he says before turning around and going to monitor the other students.

'Are you okay?' Ejiro asks. It's a stupid question, he can easily tell he's not, but what else to do in a situation like this?

Katsuki spits onto the ground, hoping to rid his mouth of that awful taste, but it's not helping. He pushes himself upright, looking over at Ejiro. 'I'm fine.'

Katsuki doesn't feel fine. He still feels nauseous and his head is swirling. He just wants to sit down, get rid of that acidic taste and, moreover, go home. 'Let's do another round,' he urges.

Ejiro's eyes are filled with worry as he looks over at Katsuki. His face is pale and he swears he can see Katsuki's body tremble. 'I don't think that's a good idea,' Ejiro says.

Katsuki wipes the spit from his mouth, ignoring the puddle of vomit at his feet. 'I think it is. I don't want to sit around and watch as you're all progressing while I'm still behind. Now, let's go!' Katsuki readjusts his gauntlets and stomps over to their designated training area.

Ejiro looks at him as he moves away, unsure about the whole situation. He doesn't want to fight Katsuki in the state he is in, but right now, Katsuki isn't going to take no for an answer.

Ejiro looks around one last time, hoping that Aizawa is somehow seeing Katsuki's intent to spar and shut it down before they can do anything, but he has retreated to the far end side of the gym, helping Sero with a new technique.

Katsuki is tapping his foot impatiently as he's waiting for Ejiro to step into the rink with him. He wants to catch up for all the lost training time from last week, and there's no way except for going at it hard.

Ejiro walks over, but crosses his arms when meeting Katsuki. 'I'm not going to fight you.' Katsuki rolls his eyes. 'Why the hell not?'

'It's irresponsible.'

Katsuki was growing agitated with this whole fragile treatment. He understands Ejiro's point of view and he wants to act to it, but he's also still training to become a hero, and he just cannot slack. 'Fine,' Katsuki retorts, before turning around. 'Hey! Kaminari!'

Kaminari whips his head around at the sound of his name, looking quite puzzled. 'Come over here,' Katsuki calls out.

Kaminari questioningly points a finger at his own chest, in which Katsuki rolls his eyes in return. 'Yes, you! Get your ass over here.'

Kaminari does as told and makes his way over to the two of them. 'What's up?' he says with a bright smile.

'Let's spar, you and me.'

Kaminari looks over to Ejiro, who is still standing at the edge of the training field with his arms crossed. He can't really make out what kind of energy the redhead is giving off, but he has always wanted to try a match against Katsuki, so he's definitely not going to refuse. 'Sure, let's go ahead!'

Ejiro's mood sinks and he's actually glaring at Katsuki as Kaminari makes his way over to the other side of the court. Katsuki takes his battle stance, grinning, as Kaminari does the same.

'Give me your all,' Katsuki challenges.

'No holding back!' Kaminari replies.

Ejiro simply looks in disdain as Katsuki charges at Kaminari, already sending off explosions in his wake. Katsuki feels happy being able to go at it so freely. There are barely any people he can spar with like this that would make it an actual challenge; Ejiro is probably the only one that could actually take his blasts and it's the reason why Katsuki likes training with him the most. Kaminari isn't an easy opponent either, seeing as he's a long ranger with a stunning Quirk.

Katsuki is still dizzy as he propels himself into the air, making sure to take advantage from above, but as he's in mid-air, readying himself for an attack, his vision starts to blur and the nauseous feelings burble back up.

His explosions die down as he tries to get a grip on himself, but it's hard as he's plummeting to the ground. He's starting to lose track of all his surroundings and doesn't know which way is up or down anymore.

All he knows is that something is terribly wrong as he hears people calling out his name, right before a shockwave is sent throughout his body, and everything goes black.

* * *

Katsuki's body feels heavy as he slowly opens his eyes. The room is bright, and he squints before his eyes adjust naturally.

All of his muscles feel sore as he tries to lift his limbs to get up, but none cooperate. He looks around, but nobody is within sight.

It isn't very hard for him to understand that he ended up in the nurse's office after his sparring session with Kaminari. The last thing he remembers is losing control of his body and an immense amount of energy surging throughout it before making him shut down completely.

'Ah, you're finally awake,' a sweet voice calls out.

Katsuki looks aside. 'Let me go get the nurse,' she says as she turns on her heels and walks away.

Katsuki can just make out the short brown hair as it disappears behind the curtain, his brain slowly coming to life and telling him it's one of his own classmates. Uraraka Ochako. He had expected Ejiro to be there, or even Kaminari or his Aizawa, but not Uraraka.

'She's coming in a bit,' Uraraka says as she walks back over to the bed. She smiles as she notices that he's staring at her. She pulls one of the chairs that was standing next to the bed closer and sits down. 'How are you feeling?' she asks.

'Like shit,' Katsuki growls, though it comes out slurred. His mouth feels dry and he's unable to talk properly. Uraraka chuckles. 'Makes sense after what you did during training.'

'Where's Ejir-Kirishima?' Katsuki asks. It's not like he needs the redhead by his side at all times, he's just curious why he wasn't here right now. He had been there for every other of Katsuki's breakdowns and bad moments, so why he wasn't here right now was a mystery to him.

'Ejiro had a family emergency, he had to go home immediately. He got really worked up because he wanted to stay with you. I told him I'd take care of you and that seemed to be okay.'

Katsuki felt a bit bad for that. He made Ejiro worry over him and now the guy actually had problems himself as well. He would have to give him a call tonight. If he could ever move his limbs again.

Uraraka leans in closer, resting her chin on her hands and her elbows on the edge of the bed as she looked over at Katsuki. 'So tell me, what exactly is bothering you?' Her voice sounded so sweet and soothing, it made Katsuki feel at ease, but the question did not.

'It's bothering me that I'm fucking lying here not able to move,' he snaps.

Uraraka's eyes flutter closed as she takes a deep breath. 'I meant the big picture. Something has been bothering you for a long time and that's why you ended up here, right?'

Something in Katsuki stung. She couldn't really be talking about… No way. He hadn't told anyone except for Ejiro, and if that guy told anyone else, there would be a funeral by tomorrow morning.

Katsuki looks over at her, his eyes narrowed as if analyzing. She didn't seem dishonest, and from what he knew about her interactions with the rest of the class, she was a nice girl. She seemed genuinely concerned with Katsuki's health.

'What makes you think that?' he decides to question. Uraraka looks away as she thinks about it.

'Your temper has changed from the first day you got here, you were absent almost the entire week last week, and every time you try to focus on something your mind seems occupied with something else. It just seems as if you got something bigger, more important on your mind that keeps distracting you.'

Katsuki looks away. He wasn't the type of person that was easily read, so either it must have been very fucking obvious, or she was just incredibly skilled at noticing these things. 'It doesn't matter to you,' Katsuki eventually says.

Uraraka raises her eyebrows. It was now very clear that something was actually bothering him, and Uraraka wanted to help. She usually didn't stick her noses in places it didn't belong, but something about this one blond made her morals waver just a tiny bit as she had every intent of helping.

'It's okay,' she speaks up. 'You don't have to talk about it. Just know that I'm here for you.'

Katsuki's gaze flickers over to Uraraka and then back at the ceiling. Even though he had barely ever interacted with her, she would offer to listen to him just like that. It hit a soft spot inside Katsuki's heart.

'Either way, you'll be stuck with me until you get back home safely, since you probably can't on your own.'

Katsuki huffed. 'Like hell I can,' he says as he tries to push himself upright. His arms only cooperate the slightest as he's finally able to lift them, but give way as his muscles don't have any strength in them left. As he looks up again he can see Uraraka's eyebrows furrowed in worry. He rolls his eyes. 'Fine, I'll just stay here until Recovery Girl finally shows.'

Uraraka smiles contently. 'Good boy.'

Katsuki grinds his teeth together. Uraraka looks around, searching for Recovery Girl's presence. 'She said she'd be here soon..' Uraraka ponders.

Right at that moment, Recovery Girl's head pops up from behind the curtain. Katsuki feels quite energetic, even though he can't move, so Recovery Girl uses it to her advantage and heals him as much as she can, draining almost all of his stamina to make his muscles function properly again.

After offering him a cookie and a juice box, he starts to gather his stuff to go change into his school uniform and leave, until he feels a pair of eyes boring into his back. He glares over his shoulder.

'What do you want?' he asks.

'I told you, you're stuck with me until you get home,' Uraraka replies, smiling softly.

Katsuki rolls his eyes yet again. 'You're not walking me home.' She walks up closer to him, almost sticking her face right into his, smiling sweetly. 'Yes, I am.' H

e puts a hand on her shoulder and softly pushes her away, not intending to hurt her but just to get his personal space back. 'No, you're not.' Uraraka starts to pout as Katsuki turns to leave for the changing rooms.

As Katsuki changes back into his uniform he just hopes that she has left to go home on her own, but when he gets out of the changing room, she's standing there, her hands on her hips, the cute smile nowhere to be seen.

'I promised Kirishima to look after you and walk you home and I'm not going to break that promise, you hear me!' she says fiercely. This whole attitude is not befitting of her appearance and it kind of confuses Katsuki. He never knew she had such a passion.

Her lower lip is trembling and she's trying very hard to keep the tough act up. Katsuki can't help but admire her determination to do as Ejiro asked her to.

He brushes past her, his bag slung over his shoulder. A couple of steps away he stops and looks back at her. 'Well, you coming or not?'

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, before she gathers herself and dashes to catch up with him.

'As long as you can keep up with me, you can take me home. Just today.'

She smiles, but he refuses to look at her. 'I can do that,' she says contently.

Uraraka has no problem keeping up her pace as she walks next to Katsuki out of the school building onto the streets. She doesn't live too far from here, so taking Katsuki home isn't a big deal as it will only be a ten minute detour at most.

They are quiet as they wind through the streets, Uraraka looking around fascinated at the change of scenery; it was a neighborhood she had never been to before and it intrigued her. After a while of gaping around, she noticed that Katsuki had remained silent for their entire trip.

As they reached his home, it was time to say goodbye. Before Katsuki had the chance to close the door, Uraraka turned around.

'I know you didn't want to talk about it but… here,' she says as she reached out and snatched Katsuki's phone out of his pocket, leaving a very flustered blond standing on the porch.

She typed quickly and then handed the phone back to him, Katsuki faking a glare as he looked down at his phone with curiosity. She had added herself to his LINE.

'If you need me, you can message me.' She smiled sweetly at him. 'See you tomorrow!' With that, she took off.

Katsuki stood there, watching as she rounded the corner back to the train station. She had been the second person to approach him so bluntly, and he didn't really know what to do with it.

He closed the door behind him as he put away his shoes and his bag, his phone burning in his hand as he realized he now had her number. He didn't know if he'd use it, but it was a nice thought knowing he had more than one person to rely on.

Maybe he should talk about it with Ejiro. Maybe she was a good person to trust as well.

Katsuki didn't want to jump to conclusions, so he simply got to his homework for as long as he could, before falling asleep in his bed with his uniform still on.


	15. Chapter 15

Katsuki sat behind his desk, his head leaning on his hand as his eyes kept drooping. So far he had managed to get up and get his ass to school every single day thanks to Ejiro, but that didn't mean that every day wasn't a battle.

Being around people was draining and during lunchbreak he would prefer to stay in the classroom to eat his bento rather than mix in with the rest of his class in the cafeteria. It secluded him even more than before, but he didn't really mind.

Ejiro had, of course, offered to stay with Katsuki during break, but after Katsuki tried to explain how full his mind got and how exhausting it was, Ejiro decided to let him be and went to eat with his classmates instead.

The end of class bell rung and it was time for their break again. Everyone stood up, making a racket as chairs were shoved backwards and things fell to the floor. Every single sound was putting Katsuki more on edge. He grit his teeth as he tried to keep it together. He had been doing so well, not to have any outbursts for the past two weeks, but sometimes it was really hard not to snap at someone.

Ejiro looked back one last time, smiling softly as he saw Katsuki rummaging through his bag to get his food. Katsuki watched as Ejiro closed the door behind him, nobody else really questioning why Katsuki stayed behind anymore.

He stared out the window. The sky was clear, but as it was already starting to become fall, it was darker than usual. It gave off a depressing atmosphere that didn't really help much for Katsuki's mood.

He opened his bento box, seeing that it was filled with spicy flavored rice, omelet and a piece of steak. He smiled a little. His mom was really bad at showing that she cared, but it was noticeable through the little things she did, like making his favorite food.

He picked up the steak and bit into it, the juice running down his chin. He wiped it away with the cuff of his sleeve, cursing himself quickly after. Now he would have to get it cleaned…

His attention was diverted as the door to the class slid open again. He looked up to see Uraraka looking around, her eyebrows rising as she noticed him sitting there.

'Why are you here on your own?' she asked as she closed the door behind her, walking further into the class, still looking around.

'I'm eating,' Katsuki replied curtly. Uraraka glanced back at him. 'Yeah, I can see that. Wouldn't you rather be with everyone else?'

She stalked over to her desk, looking beside it, in it and under it, apparently not finding what she was looking for. Katsuki glanced down as he put some of the rice in his mouth. 'They're too busy.'

Uraraka hummed. 'I see.' She seemed distracted, not really paying attention to the conversation. Katsuki raised an eyebrow as she started searching the classroom.

'Looking for something?' Katsuki smirked, making her jump a little. She scratched her head, her face flushing red. 'Nothing important. I just lost my wallet… I noticed in the cafeteria when I tried to buy food.'

Katsuki sighed and then ignored her, going on to focus back on eating. He couldn't focus, though, with all the sounds of chairs being shoved backwards and her being in close proximity all the time, looking for her wallet.

He grit his teeth and then shoved his chair back. 'If you need money, you could just say so,' he said as he stalked over to her, shoving some notes into her hands. He returned to his seat after, all the while grumbling to himself.

Uraraka blinked a couple of times as she stared at him. Then she calmly walked over to him, putting the money on his desk and pulling up a chair to sit in front of him.

His gaze flickered up at her, severely questioning her sanity. 'You just said you needed money to eat, right? Why are you giving this back?'

She looked out the window as she spoke. 'I don't like taking money from anyone. I need to have worked for it, or else it feels bad to spend it.' She glances over at Katsuki, who is silently staring at her.

'It's okay!' she exclaims, waving her hands around. 'I don't need to eat that bad.'

Katsuki looks down at his half eaten bento, then out the window and then back at the empty classroom. He shoves another piece of omelet into his mouth before placing the chopsticks down and shoving the box over to Uraraka. He then turns around, huffing. 'You can't train with an empty stomach.'

Uraraka opens her mouth to protest, but when she notices Katsuki's expression as he's looking away, she knows she can't refuse. She slides the box over to her and happily starts munching on the leftover omelet and rice.

'I noticed you haven't messaged me yet.'

Katsuki looks back at her. He rolls his eyes. 'I didn't need it.'

She swallows and then puts the empty box back on the desk. Katsuki is surprised she's such a fast eater. Maybe he just became very slow. 'Looks to me like you do,' she responds, looking at him.

Katsuki reaches out and puts the lid back on the box, shoving it back in his bag. 'Who are you to tell me whether or not I need you? I already have Kirishima, that's enough.'

Her eyebrows knit together as she brings her finger to her mouth, apparently pondering. 'I don't think one friend is enough. You can't always rely on someone to be there for you. If you have more friends, then there's always someone you can rely on.'

Katsuki glances over at her, unamused at the turn of events. 'If you're done eating, get back to the cafeteria.'

She shakes her head defiantly, her lower lip slightly pushed out. 'Break is almost over anyways.'

Katsuki bends down to take some things out of his bag, trying to ignore her. He doesn't mind her presence, but she's prying too much and he isn't feeling any of that.

He opens his textbook and starts on his homework for tomorrow. A hand waving in front of his face makes him lose focus. He grinds his teeth together in frustration as he looks up. Uraraka's face is inches from his, her eyebrows knit together in a frown and her lips pursed.

'Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I think it would really help you to get it off your chest. I'm not going to force you, but I'm here if you need me.'

Katsuki stares at her. In less than a week she has shown deviant behavior _twice_ and Katsuki is both impressed and taken aback by this turn of events. Katsuki clicks his tongue.

'Yeah, you already told me that.'

Uraraka isn't done yet, but the door to the classroom slides open as the rest of the class floods back in. She pouts as she has to give in and goes back to her own desk.

During the rest of their classes she can't help but stare at Katsuki's back. She can see he's struggling to stay awake and the way he writes his notes is sloppy.

She sighs. She won't push any further if he doesn't want to, but she is so sure she could help him. It hurts her that he's refusing her help so much, but there's simply nothing she can do.

She turns back to her own textbook, her mind wandering as the rest of the day goes by.

* * *

Uraraka is standing outside the classroom, tapping her foot impatiently. The end of day bell has already rung ten minutes ago and yet they still haven't come out.

A blur of white, green, red and blond passes her and immediately catches her attention.

She jogs to catch up with them, greeting them happily. Ejiro's raises his eyebrows in surprise.

'Uraraka? Why are you still around?' he asks.

She smiles at him. 'I thought I'd talk some with you about our new training regimen. It's pretty tough, don't you think?'

Katsuki's gaze flickers over as Ejiro turns away from him to talk to Uraraka. It bothers him.

'Yeah, they really upped it. It's hard to keep up, but I know we can do it!' Ejiro responds. 'What do you think, Katsuki?'

Uraraka tilts her head to the side. 'You're allowed to call him by his first name?'

Ejiro turns back to Uraraka, his face flushing red. 'Y-yeah! It's because we're great friends and all and I let him call me by my first name too, so it isn't really that big a deal.'

Uraraka looks past Ejiro to Katsuki and notices that his gaze is averted. She wonders if the whole conversation is bothering him.

'So, can I call you Ejiro then?' she asks, her eyes sparkling.

Ejiro looks taken aback at the sudden question. Calling someone by their first name is quite intimate and so far both he and Katsuki had it reserved for their family and the both of them.

Ejiro glanced over at Katsuki to see his reaction. He didn't want to do anything that upset his friend.

'I-I guess?' Ejiro replies as he scratches his head, grinning widely.

'That's settled then!' Uraraka replies. 'And you. Can I call you Katsuki?'

This finally pulls Katsuki's attention back to them. 'Heh? Why?'

Uraraka shrugs. 'I just think it sounds nicer than Bakugou. And first names are more personal than family names. I'd prefer to use them all the time if I could!'

Katsuki clicks his tongue. 'If that's so, then what should I call you? Ochako?' It sounded weird to him to say that name. He had barely ever used anyone's first name in his life. He had never even used Izuku's real name.

'Yeah, sounds good to me!' she replies, smiling widely. 'You can change my name to that in LINE if you want.'

This makes Ejiro glance over, raising an eyebrow. 'You have her on LINE too? I thought I was the only one.'

Katsuki notices that he's slightly pouting. Is he truly upset that he isn't the only contact in his phone anymore?

'It was not voluntary,' Katsuki replies, sounding rather uninterested. He doesn't know what Ochako was trying to do and frankly, he did not like it at all.

'Ah, I have to go the other way here,' Ochako says as they reach an intersection near the train station. She opens her arms wide and goes to hug Ejiro. He looks rather awkward in the embrace.

Then she turns to Katsuki, her arms still wide open, smiling softly. Katsuki rolls his eyes and turns away.

Her face falls a little before smiling widely again. 'Maybe some other time,' she says.

Katsuki huffs. As if.

'See you Monday!' she says, waving as she turns around towards her own home.

Ejiro and Katsuki turn on their heels, heading the other way.

'She seems nice,' Ejiro says after a moment of silence.

'I don't care for it,' Katsuki instantly responds.

Ejiro looks over at him, a worried look on his face. 'Why not? I don't think she has any bad intentions.'

Katsuki shrugs. 'I just don't like the way she is acting. She's behaving like I'm fragile. You know what she said to me during lunch?'

'You let her eat lunch with you?' Ejiro feels slightly offended. Katsuki immediately sets him straight.

'She came to me and wouldn't leave me alone. Anyways, she said that I would need more than one friend to rely on.'

Ejiro looks up at the sky, his hands behind his head, his fingers intertwined. 'I guess she does have a point.'

Katsuki raises an eyebrow at him. 'Well, I can't always be there for you. Like last week, after you passed out. I so badly wanted to be there for you, but I just couldn't.'

'Your grandma's funeral is more important than me passing out from my own stupidity,' Katsuki retorts.

Ejiro chuckles. 'Yeah, probably, but it doesn't change the fact that she's right that you need more than one person to rely on. I can't always be there for you and it would probably be better if you got more friends.'

Anger started to burble inside of Katsuki. How on Earth could he agree with her? It made no sense of her to force herself on him so much! It was frustrating and annoying and he didn't want any of it.

'Who the fuck says I want more friends?' he snapped, finally breaking. Ejiro's face falls instantly, looking at Katsuki with wide eyes.

'I never even asked you to be my friend, did I? You forced yourself on me too and one pushy person is more than enough. Even more than I wanted. I did fine on my own.'

Ejiro remains silent as the flame inside of Katsuki's chest grows even more. He balls his hands into fists, making sure that no explosions will go off.

After a silence that goes on longer than Katsuki is used to, he looks aside. His anger immediately subsides as he sees Ejiro's lower lip tremble. 'Fuck,' Katsuki mutters.

'Ejiro,' he says, louder.

Ejiro shakes his head. 'No, it's okay. You're right.'

Katsuki suddenly feels extremely bad. 'I didn't mean that,' he says.

Ejiro stops in his track and Katsuki turns around to look at him. 'You are right. I've been pushing myself onto you. I'll stop.'

'I don't mind,' Katsuki tries, but Ejiro isn't listening.

'I'll pick you up Monday, though. Don't be late.' Ejiro turns on his heel, wiping away the tears at the corners of his eyes.

Katsuki didn't mean to do this. He grips his own hair. Why is he like this? He doesn't know.

He turns to walk the rest of the way to home, hating himself all the while. Every time he tries to make things better, he fucks up yet again. It's a vicious circle he can't end.

He plunges down on the couch in his living room, turning on the television but not paying attention. Instead he takes out his phone and opens LINE.

His fingers move on their own as his mind is blank. Only after he's pressed send he finally realizes what he just said.

 _Can you come over? We need to talk – Katsuki._

* * *

I'm sorry for the late update! Okay quick update on my social life:

\- I have started a new job, leaving me with two jobs which severely limits my time to write

\- I also have school which is also taking up my time

\- It's December so yay! Lots of birthdays (including my own) and other celebrations surrounding the holidays

\- I have winter depression. Sounds worse than it is, but basically I have less energy and inspiration and writing just becomes a hassle sometimes

This does not mean that I'm not trying! I love this story and I am finishing this! I'm working very hard to update every week but sometimes I might skip a week or update later than usual.

So that's enough about me ^_^ Hope to see you next chapter!


	16. Chapter 16

_Who is this?_

Katsuki's heart stings. What does this fucker mean "who is this"!? Can't he just read the name displayed at the top? It's not hard to use fucking LINE!

Katsuki's heart leaps as he realizes his mistake. With his heart pounding in his chest, he opens the keyboard and types a message back.

 _Sorry, wrong number._

Tears prickle at the corners of Katsuki's eyes as he places his phone face down on the coffee table in front of him.

He covers his face with his hands, breathing in deeply. How much of an idiot does he have to be to try to text a dead person? That he got a reply was even more worrisome, until Katsuki realized that Inko had probably cancelled Izuku's subscription, making the number available for someone else to take.

Why did he even try to text Izuku in the first place? It's not as if, in the case of Izuku still being alive, the guy would've replied and tried to help Katsuki. Their relationship had been too damaged for that. Izuku would probably have just ignored the text, or come over just because he felt obligated to.

His phone buzzes. He looks through his fingers at the thing, almost glaring as if telling it non-vocally to shut up.

As it buzzes again, Katsuki runs a hand through his hair and reaches out.

 _Hey, are you okay? Ejiro just texted me… - Ochako_

A lump formed in Katsuki's throat. Of course he would've. Ejiro was probably offended by Katsuki's behavior and needed an outlet to talk about his feelings.

Usually, Katsuki was the redheads victim, but seeing as they were both involved in this "fight", Ejiro chose to talk to someone else instead.

Katsuki's fingers hover above the keys. Was he okay? He never was. Could he pretend he was now?

A single tear rolls down Katsuki's cheek.

 _No._

Katsuki stares down at his screen. He doesn't know how Ochako would respond to this message. Would she try to cheer him up through text? Would she tell Ejiro so the redhead could make his way over?

 _I'm coming._

Fuck! He didn't want her to come over. Human interaction was the last thing he wanted right now.

He tries to send a text, telling her to stay home, but he notices that she's already gone offline. He curses under his breath. He wonders if she even knows where he lives, but he supposes that she can just message Ejiro for that.

Katsuki pushes himself to his feet, leaving his phone behind on the couch. He stands in the middle of the living room, looking around. He isn't quite sure what he wants to do now. He feels lost.

Time flies by as he tries to gather his thoughts on how to act when Ochako makes her way over, the doorbell ringing before he realizes he's been standing there for a good thirty minutes.

He bites his lower lip as he opens the door, seeing Ochako standing there, a frown on her face. His gaze is cast at the ground as she opens her mouth to talk, but she isn't quite sure what to say either.

Without saying anything, Katsuki turns around, leaving the door open for her to come in.

Ochako sits down on the couch, the atmosphere eerily quiet and tense. Katsuki had expected her to fuss over him and try to make him feel better through whatever way she's used to, but she's just sitting there, looking around while Katsuki makes tea.

When Katsuki finally sits down in a chair on the other side of the room, she smiles softly and thanks him for the tea.

'Why did you come here?' Katsuki bites, unable to contain himself. He doesn't want to be rude, but he's not feeling up to talking, especially with someone he doesn't care much for, and definitely not after his and Ejiro's exchange from before.

Ochako chuckles a little to herself, earning her a raised eyebrow. 'I'm not exactly sure,' she replies, taking a sip from her tea and immediately sticking her tongue out as she burned it.

Katsuki rolls his eyes. 'If you don't know, then you should go home.'

Ochako's gaze flutters over to Katsuki. Katsuki gulps. He hadn't expected the soft look she was giving him. It made tears prick in his eyes again. He quickly averts his gaze.

Ochako smiles down at her tea, holding it firmly with both hands. 'Just because I don't know doesn't mean you don't need someone right now.' Her words are soft and soothing.

Katsuki almost starts to choke up. Why is she like that? Why does she come here head over heels when she doesn't even know what she's doing?

The sound of her setting her empty cup down on the coffee table wakes Katsuki from his thoughts.

She folds her hands in her lap before looking up at Katsuki again, a determined look on her face. It doesn't really fit her.

'I know I've been pushy and I want to apologize for that,' she starts. 'It's just… I can see the way you look at everything. You never seem truly present, always lost in thought. I can see that it hurts you, even though you never truly show it. I know I can help you, but I've been focusing too much on that I _can_ and not if you _want_ me to. I'm really sorry.'

Her expression softens and Katsuki can see that her apology is sincere. Katsuki clicks his tongue and turns away from her. 'Why do you think you can help me? You don't even know what's bothering me,' he speaks up.

Ochako shrugs. 'To me, it just seemed like you needed a friend.'

'I have Ejiro.'

'You've mentioned that multiple times, yes, but I think you need more than _one_ friend. Did you ever have friends in the past?'

Katsuki wants to snap at her. Of course he had friends! He wasn't some lonesome loser. During middle school he would always hang out with….

Katsuki's mouth hangs open, lost in thought, as he tries to come up with the names of his middle school friends. He's drawing a blank. He never bothered to remember their names after they parted ways, even though they would hang out nearly every day during middle school.

Katsuki feels empty as he tries to recollect his memories from his old classmates, the times they went out together, the school trips. There was no one he could remember by name anymore. The only one that was prominent enough for him to remember was…

Katsuki sobbed. He covered his mouth with his hands as he tried to stop himself. He hunched over, shoulders drawn in as he choked, tears dripping down his cheeks.

In an instant, Ochako was by his side. She placed a hand on his back, rubbing it softly, whispering apologies and reassurances to him. 'I'm sorry. It's okay, you don't have to hold back with me.'

It hurt. It hurt so very much. Izuku had been his only real friend all these years. Why didn't he realize that earlier?

Katsuki straightened his back, wiping at the wet streaks on his cheeks, stifling a sob. He looked aside, almost glaring at Ochako, even though it didn't hold any power due to the redness and puffiness of his eyes.

Ochako opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, thinking it over. Then she did something so weird to Katsuki that he didn't know how to respond. She opened her arms wide, smiling softly at him and beckoning him in.

Katsuki raised an eyebrow at the display. He couldn't deny that it looked very inviting…

He moved without wanting to, settling himself between her arms as she pulled him close, softly stroking his hair while he cried quietly.

Katsuki jerked underneath her hold. He had been so lonely his entire life without ever realizing it. Ochako was right. He needed more than one friend and here she was, giving him the opportunity to befriend her.

After Katsuki runs out of tears he pulls back, furiously wiping at his eyes. He was starting to care less about showing his feelings, but Ochako was still more or less a stranger to him.

He sits back on his heels, staring at the hands on his knees.

Ochako tilts her head to the side and smiled at him. 'You don't have to tell me,' she presses.

Katsuki shakes his head, wiping the last of the tears away.

'I..,' he starts, having trouble finding the words. 'I used to have a friend, but I lost him.'

Ochako can see by the pain in his eyes that there's more to it, but decides not to push any further. If he wants to tell, he will.

'I only now realized that he was my only friend. Fuck, I feel so stupid,' he continues, sniffing loudly.

'You're not stupid. Sometimes the most obvious things are hidden in plain sight,' she offers.

Katsuki glances up. Then he gets to his feet, walking away as he puts on another kettle of water. Tea helps him calm down and he could really use some.

Ochako gets to her feet as well, taking place on the couch again.

'I don't know if you're up to it,' she starts.

Katsuki glances over his shoulder to look at her. She's looking down as he talks.

'But me and some of the others are going to do something fun next week. We haven't really decided on what yet. I can ask if you could join.'

Katsuki instantly opens his mouth to retort. He already has trouble enough getting through a normal school day, let alone an activity like this.

Before he replies, he thinks it over as he pours tea for him and Ochako. He hands the cup to her before sitting down.

Ochako keeps stealing glances to see what Katsuki thinks of the proposal. Still, she gets startled when he speaks up again, his voice softer and his gaze down.

'That'd seem fun.'

She smiles contently while taking another sip from her tea, burning her mouth yet again.

They finish up in silence, the atmosphere slowly mellowing out. When Ochako puts on her shoes she ensures Katsuki that she'll ask the others if he and Ejiro could tag along.

She waves goodbye and disappears around the corner, leaving Katsuki to his own thoughts again.

He retreats to his room, quickly sending an apology to Ejiro through LINE before plunging down on his bed to take a quick nap, hoping to get a little recharged before his parents get home.

He isn't quite sure if he could consider Ochako a friend now; it seemed too fast for his liking. Still, he was glad she came over and hoped that maybe, someday, they would indeed become friends.

He wouldn't mind sharing himself with Ochako and Ejiro. Maybe it was better for him.

He rolled over. He had never realized he had needed a friend so badly until he lost one and gained another. Friendships really were something else.


	17. Chapter 17

Katsuki stood aside, his back against the wall, checking his phone as a stream of people passed by.

After agreeing to go do something fun with Ochako and her friends, it had taken them an entire week to agree on what they were going to do.

The morning after Ochako had visited his house she had added him to a group chat on LINE so they could discuss things. Katsuki got annoyed with that chat very quickly, seeing as they mostly discussed off topic things and spammed all day. He had left within two hours.

He simply assumed he automatically wasn't invited anymore after leaving the chat, but was surprised when he got a message from Ochako stating the date, time and location they were supposed to meet.

So here he was, standing outside the Musutafu mall, being fifteen minutes early.

Katsuki always preferred being early, rather than late, even though he must admit that this time he had overdone himself.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking the time yet again, only to realize that not even a minute had passed.

He chewed on his lower lip. He didn't really understand why, but ever since last night, he had been on edge. When he tried to sleep, all he could do was toss and turn as his mind went a thousand miles a minute for no apparent reason.

He had tried to squeeze his eyes shut in an attempt to force himself to sleep, but it hadn't worked. In the end, he ended up with only a couple of hours of interrupted sleep, waking up even more exhausted than when he went to bed.

After that terrible start of the day, he had spent at least an hour in front of his closet trying to pick out his outfit.

He didn't really care about his appearance or anything like that, but for some reason whatever he put on just wasn't _right._

On the tenth outfit he tried on, his mom had come in and yelled at him for ruining all the clothes she had worked so hard on folding, practically shoving him out of the house in the items he was wearing at that moment, not giving him any chance to think about it any longer.

Katsuki looked around. He hoped for either Ochako or Eijiro to show up first, since he was most comfortable around them. As soon as either of them were there, Katsuki would just stay with them; he didn't feel much for interacting with anyone else.

All of a sudden he heard his name being called, but not by any of those two, much to Katsuki's annoyance.

His gaze went to the place the voice had come from, a blur of pink dashing its way over to him.

'Bakugouuu!' Mina squealed, stretching out the last syllable of his name far too long. 'I didn't know you'd come today!'

Katsuki put his hands deeper in his pockets, chewing on his bottom lip again. 'Why wouldn't I?' he replied.

Mina tilted her head a little as Sero finally caught up with her.

'Because you left the chat,' he chipped in. 'We thought you weren't interested in going anymore.'

Katsuki looked away, heat creeping to his cheeks. It made sense that he wouldn't want to join anymore if he left the chat so suddenly.

'I don't like all those notifications,' he simply responded.

Mina responded with a short 'Oh' before glancing at Sero.

Sero turned and smiled at Katsuki before leaning against the wall next to him. 'I'm glad you could make it.'

Katsuki glanced at him sideways before looking at the ground again, humming something of an agreement.

The silence that ensued did nothing to make Katsuki more comfortable. His attention was pulled towards Mina as she spoke again.

'So, are you excited for today?' she asked, nearly bouncing up and down.

Katsuki averted his gaze. 'I guess.'

Mina pouted slightly, seemingly unsatisfied by the bland answer. 'Aren't you totally hyped for what we're doing? I've never been there!'

Katsuki kept his gaze firmly fixated on the ground, his cheeks slightly turning red again. 'I… I don't know what we're doing.' W

ith every word spoken, Katsuki felt more out of place. He just wanted to make up an excuse of not feeling well – did it really count as an excuse if he actually felt nauseous? – and going home, but he kept himself firmly in place, having promised Ochako and Eijiro he'd be there.

Mina cocked her head at him. 'Didn't anybody tell you?' she asked, sounding genuinely curious and surprised.

Katsuki ground his teeth. 'Ochako only mentioned where and when we'd meet.'

At the use of her first name, Mina and Sero exchanged amused looks, but remained silent.

'We're going somewhere super awesome today!' Mina said, pumping her fist in the air.

Katsuki looked aside, narrowing his eyes as Sero softly nudged him with his elbow. 'Have you heard of that indoor amusement park that just opened?'

Katsuki raised an eyebrow at him. 'Yeah? What about it.'

Sero gave him a knowing smile.

'Oh,' Katsuki responded.

At that, Katsuki softly smiled to himself. He had heard about it opening, and it had seemed amazing, but he had never found the motivation to actually go check it out. Hearing that's their activity for the day, it actually made him a little excited.

It didn't take long before more people started showing up. Everyone started chatting happily with each other, Kaminari throwing his arm around Sero's shoulder as they laughed, Tsuyu striking up a friendly conversation with Mina, as finally Ochako and Eijiro arrived.

Eijiro didn't give as much as polite greetings to everyone before settling next to Katsuki, making the blond instantly more at ease.

'Excited for today?' Eijiro asked, that familiar smile always on his face.

The corners of Katsuki's mouth tugged up at the sight of it. 'Yeah,' he replied.

With everyone finally gathered, they took off.

* * *

Katsuki walked at the back of the group together with Eijiro, watching everyone in front of them lead the way towards the amusement park.

Even though it had just recently opened, the line wasn't very long. As soon as they passed the gates and walked in, Katsuki got overwhelmed.

The flashing colorful lights that shone around the area blinded him and the sounds of children and teenagers screaming in glee pierced his ears.

A hand on his shoulder made him come back to reality as he looked over at Eijiro.

'Are you okay?' he asked, frowning at Katsuki, eyes flickering over to the rest of the group that went ahead.

Katsuki relaxed the muscles in his shoulders, releasing the tension he didn't know was there. 'I'm fine. Let's go, before they're leaving without us.'

They quickly followed the small crowd, Ochako and Mina taking the lead as they bounced excitedly and cooed over every ride they saw. They gushed for a good ten minutes over all the technology and amazing designs before finally deciding to actually use them.

'Hey!' Kaminari said, slinging his arms over Katsuki's shoulders and around his neck. Katsuki cringed under the touch. 'We're going to check out the rollercoaster, are you joining?'

Katsuki reached up and pried Kaminari's hands off of him. The blond pouted a little at that, but quickly regained his usual smile. 'So? Are you coming or not?'

Katsuki clicked his tongue. 'Go without me,' he replied.

At that, Kaminari narrowed his eyes, a mischievous smile creeping onto his lips. 'Why? Are you.. afraid?'

Heat crept to Katsuki's cheeks. 'Of course I'm not!' he shouted, making Kaminari take a step back and hold up his hands in defense.

'How about you prove it by coming then?' Kaminari teased.

Katsuki looked over at Eijiro, who simply chuckled and shrugged at him.

'You don't have to if you don't want,' Ochako reassured him.

Katsuki looked up at the tracks that wound through the building.

A cart passed by, filled with teens his age, screaming in joy. Something in his heart ached for a feeling like that, so without thinking about it anymore, he stepped forward, earning him some cheers from Sero, Kaminari and Mina.

As they stood waiting in line everyone goofed around, taking selfies with stupid filters and telling scary stories of buckles breaking in the middle of the ride.

Standing in the middle of that tiny crowd made Katsuki feel weird. He can't remember ever being surrounded by so many people that _wanted_ him to be there.

The crowd scooted a little further, giggling as they tripped over their own feet in the closed space. The closer they got to the start of the line, the more fuzzy feelings acted up in his stomach.

Maybe Katsuki lied. Maybe he was afraid of rollercoasters.

The group scuffled further, now being next in line, as Katsuki's hands were shaking. He took deep breaths and tried to keep himself grounded. His fear of rollercoasters was irrational, so he certainly wasn't going to give in now.

The cart came to a halt in front of them, the previous group of kids climbing out on the other side as their gates opened. All of the group flooded into the seats.

Katsuki reached out for Eijiro, wanting to sit next to him, but the redhead was already being pulled away by Kaminari to take place next to him.

When Katsuki sat down, the bar pushed down and pressing into his abdomen, he realized that someone he had never spoken to before was sitting next to him.

'Are you okay?' Tsuyu asked, looking over Katsuki.

The blond had gone pale, gripping the bar so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He forced himself to nod.

With his gaze directed at his hands, he saw a small slender hand come up to them, softly prying one of his hands away from the bar and into hers.

Katsuki glanced over at her, heart pounding in his chest.

'It's okay,' she said. 'You can rely on me. I'm not afraid.'

Katsuki opened his mouth, not sure what he was going to say, but having no time for it anyways as the cart was slowly pulled up and up until they reached the summit and they were released.

To Katsuki's imagination, it felt as if they were just launched into space with incredible speed, not slowing down for anything as they turned a corner, flipped upside down and were thrown every which way against the side of the cart, seemingly never ending.

In front of him, he could see the others hollering, throwing their hands up in the air as they screamed in joy.

He wasn't able to pinpoint exactly when, but at some point along the ride, all of his nerves drifted away.

The grip on his bar was slowly lessening, the fluttery feelings of anxiety being replaced with those of pure adrenaline as his face broke out into a massive grin.

He didn't know how or when, but as the cart slowly came to a stop, his hands were in the air, his right still intertwined with Tsuyu's.

When they finally came to a complete halt and the bars were released, he got up, his legs shaking, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

'Did you like it?' Mina asked, immediately jumping up to him.

Katsuki chuckled. Then, he started laughing. Everyone must've thought he'd gone insane with how hard he was laughing, until he composed himself and said:

'Let's go again!'

* * *

'So, did you have fun today?' Ochako asked as she slid into the booth next to Katsuki, her tray filled with fries and chicken nuggets in her hands.

Katsuki chewed on his burger. 'I guess,' he replied after swallowing.

Ochako cocked her head at him. 'Why the doubt?' she asked, stuffing a handful of fries in her face.

Katsuki redirected his gaze at his tray. He didn't know why he was doubting. He did have fun today, but everything felt so off.

He glanced up, looking at Eijiro who was still waiting in line with the others. He shrugged.

'Everyone hates me.' The words spilled out of his mouth before he noticed it.

Ochako put her fries down, her eyebrows drawing together. 'They don't,' she stated matter-of-factly.

Katsuki hunched his shoulders. 'Of course they do.'

'And why's that?'

'Because..,' he started, feeling vulnerable again and not wanting to. 'Because I was a terrible person to be around. I barely said anything, I've only been on the rollercoaster twice and after that I did nothing.'

Katsuki reached out for his fries, but Ochako's hand hovering over them stopped him, forcing him to look at her.

'Nobody said anything about that,' she said.

Katsuki's eyebrows knitted together. 'So?' he replied, pushing her hand aside so he could eat.

'So that means nobody really minded.'

Katsuki frowned again as he dipped his fries in the sauce and ate them.

'What are you talking about?' Kaminari asked as he sat down opposite Katsuki.

'Nothing,' Katsuki responded, focusing back on his meal.

Soon everyone else joined, chatting happily while Katsuki just felt exhausted.

A sharp stab of Ochako's elbow in his ribs brought him back to his senses. He glared at her before she jerked her chin towards Kaminari.

Katsuki raised an eyebrow.

Kaminari chuckled.

'I said that I'm glad you came today,' he repeated.

Before Katsuki could say anything, Sero spoke up. 'Yeah. We thought you weren't coming anymore, but it was really fun. You should join more often.'

Katsuki's stomach twisted. How could they be glad he was there today? He didn't do anything but sulk.

'Totally!' Mina cheered. 'Hey, we should go to the zoo next time!'

Kaminari scrunched his nose. 'Why a zoo? That's so boring!'

'I like that,' Tsuyu added, her finger to her chin.

Even though everyone moved on to the next topic, Katsuki's mind was still reeling about the previous one. He had done nothing for them today, except be a burden. He couldn't understand how they were happy he was there.

As he looked around the table, he saw Kaminari sticking fries up his upper lip, pretending to be a walrus, as Mina doubled over from laughter.

Eijiro was excitedly talking to Tsuyu about their idea for the zoo.

Katsuki glanced aside and saw that Ochako was eyeing everyone with a content smile on her face.

'They liked your presence, y'know,' she suddenly said out of the blue.

Katsuki eyed her warily. 'Why? I didn't do anything.'

She shrugged. 'Sometimes people just know.'

That made Katsuki even more confused. 'Know _what_?'

She turned to face him and smiled. 'Just things,' she said, giving him a warm and genuine smile.

He didn't understand, couldn't. All his life, people had only been around him because he was considered cool and amazing, because he was intimidating and practically forced them to be friends with him.

He had been neither of those things since joining UA, so why did they want him to be there? It didn't make sense.

His eyes scanned the table once more as the puzzle pieces fitted together in his head. His classmates were all on their way to becoming a hero. They weren't just ordinary people, like his former friends used to be, they were special.

One by one, Katsuki saw everything unfold in front of him. How Ochako, despite her fears and insecurities, always strived to save people.

How Kaminari, marked the class clown and idiot, tried to make everyone smile at all times.

How Tsuyu, even if she always stayed in the background, barely visible, strived to be the best like everyone else.

All those traits, Katsuki was only able to recognize because of one person. Izuku. It was only clear to Katsuki now that all the traits Izuku had were the perfect ones for becoming a hero.

Katsuki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No. That was wrong.

Everyone's traits, everyone at this table and in his class, they were all perfect for becoming heroes.

They were all selfless, pushing themselves more than they were able to handle to achieve their goals or to save someone.

And suddenly, to Katsuki, nobody was a replacement for what he lost anymore. Every single one of them, laughing, talking, became their own person.

Katsuki sat back, lifting his head higher. It had always been unclear to him. Everyone in his class seemed like a nuisance to Katsuki, people not worth knowing, noises not worth hearing.

As he looked around, a smile crept up on his face. Katsuki had no idea how much he had missed out on, tuning out everyone as he focused solely on the past instead of the future.

Even though he hadn't done anything towards the rest of the group today to make them like him, they did. They put in the effort even though he never acknowledged it. Katsuki felt grateful for that.

He looked over at Eijiro who was shooting him funny looks, probably worried about Katsuki's silence, but all the blond could think about was how a frown didn't suit the redhead.

To Katsuki, it felt as if a barrier had been broken and all of the sounds of everything around him flooded in.

And for that moment, Katsuki stopped living in the past, and laughed.


	18. Chapter 18

Walking the paths of the cemetery would never become familiar to Katsuki, even as he trudged along them for the so manieth time in the span of a year.

He kept his gaze down while passing others, the people present quietly praying before the tombs of their loved ones, placing incense and flowers as a tribute or a memory.

When Katsuki finally made it to Izuku's tomb, stomach heavy with the sounds of other grieving families, he noticed a small change.

In front of the bland stone slab there was a picture. It rested against the stone, the red, white, blue and yellow colors of the All Might frame standing out weirdly against all the surrounding grey.

In the frame there was a picture of Izuku. It was plain and simple, just like Izuku used to be.

Katsuki sat down in front of the tomb, legs crossed, staring at Izuku's smile. It reached all the way to his eyes, creating small dimples. Katsuki had nearly forgotten how freckled Izuku's face had been after not seeing it for so long.

Somehow, being able to see his face like this, even if it was a picture, it made everything easier for Katsuki. He felt a little more at ease having something to look at while talking.

In the softest voice he could muster, he started talking. 'Hey, nerd. What's up?' he asked, smirking softly. He knew that Izuku couldn't reply, but he loved being able to greet the guy like that.

Katsuki shifted. 'So… a lot of things happened. With you. Me. Between us.' Katsuki stared at his hands in his lap. His heartrate was speeding up and the anxiety flared up in his stomach.

He forced himself to look up again, to look at Izuku as he talked. He exhaled a shuddering breath, chuckling, as he realized that maybe for the first time in their lives since they were four, they were talking on the same level. No looking down, vicious grin on his face, tearing Izuku down bit by bit. No terrified eyes, glistening with tears, looking up, hoping for it to end soon.

'I'm just…,' Katsuki started, struggling to find the words. He tried to start the sentence a couple of times, utterly failing with every attempt. He didn't remember when it had become so hard to talk.

Katsuki took a deep breath, placing his hands on knees and leaned forward, eyes squeezed shut, as he whisper-yelled: 'I'm fucking sorry, okay!'

He knew that people present at the cemetery might glare at him – was sure that they actually were – but he didn't care. He had to get this off his chest. Katsuki had never been able to properly apologize when Izuku was alive and, even though it was too late now, he felt like he did owe the guy one.

'I'm sorry for making you feel like that. Like… like you weren't worth anything.. if that's how you felt. I don't fucking know how you felt, you never talked to me….'

He exhaled another shaking breath. 'You should've talked to me. I've gotten angry about that before, haven't I? Sorry for coming to yell at you about that…'

He looked at his hands again, tears prickling behind his eyes. He clenched his fists, determined not to cry. 'And I… I'm sorry for making you think that you couldn't talk to me… about this…,' Katsuki gestured at the tomb and the cemetery.

He covered his face with his hands as he realized how stupid that sounded. Another deep breath later, he turned to look at Izuku again. 'I guess I'm just… sorry… for making you feel like this was the only option.'

His heart was aching in his chest as he talked. It had taken him a full week before he mustered up the courage to go to the cemetery on his own again, afraid of another one of the mental breakdowns he'd had before.

Truth be told, the last week had been a rollercoaster, but, unlike the one at the theme park, it seemed like this one only went up.

After they had all gone to the park together, it seemed like people started to notice Katsuki more. They would ask him to eat lunch with them in the cafeteria, train with them, and some of them even tried to start a private conversation with him through LINE. Katsuki still struggled with that, but he tried.

Not only the people he had gone out with had become more interested in Katsuki – he simply didn't have any other words for it – but many of his other classmates tried to strike up a conversation with him every now and then as well.

At some point Katsuki started to wonder where the sudden pique of interest had come from, only to realize later that it might've always been there, but he just never noticed.

Katsuki took a deep breath before continuing. 'But I guess I'm also grateful. Not for you having done.. that. I hate you for that.' Even though he said it out loud, there was no heat behind the words. He had long gotten past that stage.

'I'm grateful for you having been in my life. I never really… appreciated it, I guess… but you being there.. it was a constant.'

Katsuki could vividly remember how Izuku would always chase after him, always follow Katsuki with every journey they departed on. Even as their relationship began to turn sour in middle school, Izuku was always at Katsuki's side.

'It's because of that that I'm learning how to make friends. Real friends, not those idiots back from middle school. You taught me that.'

A single tear rolled down Katsuki's cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He felt stupid for crying over Izuku again. He probably wouldn't want Katsuki to cry over him anymore.

Katsuki leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky. He smirked. 'Did you ever think I could make _actual_ friends?' He looked back over to Izuku's picture, the expression never changing.

'Yeah, I don't get it either why they're sticking with me. I'm a fucking idiot for treating them the way I did.' Katsuki sighed. 'Guess you helped me with that too.'

Katsuki shifted and stuck his hands in his pocket, pulling out a small dish and a tiny rectangular box. He pushed himself to his knees, setting the dish next to Izuku's picture and placing a stick of incense on top of it. He pulled out a lighter from his pocket to light it. The stick sizzled as smoke drifted to the sky, filling the surrounding air with the soft scent of pine.

Katsuki sat back on his heels. 'You know… my time at UA is great,' he said, voice level as he looked around at the trees surrounding the cemetery. Katsuki could tell they were cherry blossom, even if they weren't in bloom.

'The people in my class.. well, they're idiots, not gonna lie.. but I'm glad to have them around.' Katsuki shifted to sit a little more comfortably as he kept on talking.

'I imagined UA to be much fancier,' he smirked. 'I mean, it's still fancy as fuck, but we don't nearly have enough battle training to my taste…. Though I guess rescue training is pretty important too.'

Katsuki kept quiet as a small family passed by, not wanting to sound crazy for talking to a dead person. 'Hey, you probably know about the Sports Festival right?' he asked, not expecting any answer, but he could imagine the glimmer in Izuku's eyes at the mention of the event.

It was huge and everything soon-to-be-hero related, so it had always appealed to Izuku. The guy wouldn't be away from the TV screen for even a second as it aired. Katsuki smiled thinking back about that.

'Of course you do. Guess who got first place? Ain't I fucking great?' Katsuki grinned with pride, pulling the first place medal out of his pocket, holding it up to the frame as if Izuku were there to see it.

When placing it down next to him, he said, softer 'I didn't win on my own, though. The others helped.'

Katsuki imagined Izuku looking surprised at seeing the blond admit that he didn't win on his own. No, that image was wrong. The only way Katsuki knew him was with hunched shoulders, teary eyes and trembling hands. He wishes he had had a chance to make up sooner, to see Izuku in more than just a vulnerable state like that.

Katsuki took in a deep breath. 'I'm an idiot for thinking of all these things that could've happened if you hadn't jumped,' he exclaimed deadpanned, staring at the sky and talking to no one in particular, not even aimed at Izuku.

He looked back down at the grey slab of stone underneath him, the air already tinged with the scent of pine. Katsuki stretched his arms above his head, starting to feel sore from sitting like this, but he wasn't done yet.

He didn't want to continue, because he knew he was out of things to say. Katsuki knew that after he had finished saying all of this, this… talking to Izuku… it would be over.

It had taken him a long time to decide on this, to stop seeing Izuku and torture himself like that, but it was necessary. He kept living in the past and he started to realize it was toxic.

'Guess what I'm trying to say is.. thanks. Thanks for having always been there for me even though I was an asshole. Thanks for making me see the best in others and finally be able to make friends. I just… I won't come here anymore. At least not as much as I've done lately. You'd understand.'

He snickered, tears welling up in his eyes again. 'You wouldn't want to keep living in the past if there was a brighter future ahead, right?'

Katsuki looked up at the picture again, tears rolling freely down his cheeks. 'It doesn't mean I'll forget you, don't make that mistake, nerd.'

Katsuki hiccupped, wiping furiously at his eyes. 'I'm going to use you. You'll help me get through this. I know you could never be the hero you wanted to be, so I'm going to be the hero you needed _me_ to be. Got that!?'

Katsuki bit on his lip to keep his voice down, frustration seeping through his words.

'Fuck!' he spat out, wiping at his eyes again, yet the tears kept on flowing.

Katsuki pushed himself to his feet, shielding his face with his arm. 'Just…. Please watch over me!' he yelled, bowing down low.

Overrun with emotions, Katsuki couldn't stop himself from sobbing. He turned, ready to bounce, nearly forgetting what he came there for.

From his pocket he pulled a picture. It was slightly bent on all corners from being in his pocket all day, yet the colors were still vivid. He reached down, placing the picture next to Izuku's, together with the first place medal he had won.

On the picture were all of his classmates, standing in neat lines in their uniforms. It was the casual picture they had taken after the formal one, so everyone was smiling and cheering, pulling funny faces or just trying to get everyone to calm down. It was a perfect representation of everyone present.

After putting it down, Katsuki stalked away, wiping furiously at his eyes, but unable to keep the tears from flowing freely. It had taken him fifteen years and the death of his best friend to realize that Izuku was more than anyone had ever deserved, more than Katsuki had ever deserved. Yet still, Izuku had stayed by his side.

He passed the gate that marked the entrance of the cemetery and paced away, his eyes swollen and cheeks red and, even though he was crying, it didn't feel bad. From now on he could focus on moving forward, growing with the friends he had gained and becoming what he striven to be for so long.

And somehow, he knew that Izuku would always be at his side, always pushing him forward to reach his full potential. Katsuki couldn't deny the fact that he had failed him before, but he wouldn't now, couldn't. He would become the greatest hero, for Izuku, and for every other person who ever felt that helpless.

Katsuki looked up at the blue sky, and grinned.

* * *

 **This is the end of this story. Thank you all so much for sticking with me as I wrote this. It was heart-wrenching, gut-twisting, tear-inducing to write this story and I honestly lost count of how many times I cried XD**

 **I hope you all liked reading this and following Katsuki on his way to acceptance. I honestly don't want anything but the best for this blond idiot**

 **Thank you HottShott for helping me properly word my ending**

 **Till another time :)**


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